Meet the band....

Coming soon, to a Bay Area venue near you, the musical stylings of Liam and Kalian. Hit it:

Liam sings: Willy Was A Whale

Here's Liam singing his favorite Justin Roberts tune: Willy Was A Whale. He's getting close to mastering the whole thing. When I was showing him how the microphone on the computer worked, he just picked it up and started singing. He's pretty proud of himself.

One word of warning: This is the extended long-play Puff Daddy mix of this song. In other words, it goes on for awhile, so you may not make it all the way through. Still, here it is:

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Fun phrases that Kalian has learned...

Kalian has become quite the chatter box these days. Just to make it more fun, Liam has taught her all sorts of delightful phrases. Here's some of my favorites:

"Go away, daddy!"
"I want milk...RIGHT NOW!"
"Yeah, we shoot."

And just added today:

"Stupid, daddy. Stupid, Bubba."

Only 16 more years until college...

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

Last month, Jen had her spring break. And we actually managed to take a trip. This is a bit dated, now. But I'm still clearing out a backlog of my half-composed posts. I've been busy with work-related (read: non-kid related) stuff. But more on that in another post.

For now, I'll just say we had a great time. We hopped in the car on a Tuesday, not sure exactly where we were headed. In that sense, it was much like our other New England trip, last August, to Vermont. Only this time, we were headed in the opposite direction, toward Rhode Island.

Initially, we thought to go to Mystic, sort of near the Connecticut/Rhode Island border. But we got a late start, and somewhat randomly decided on Newport. I had wanted to go there last fall, but never go around to it. And so there we were, headed to Newport, with no idea what exactly was there, or where we would stay. And somehow, again, it all worked out.

The drive was just over an hour, and after circling around town, we found an open room at the Jailhouse Inn, which as the name implies, was a former jail. Newport is a boating-beach-richie-rich sort of town. So going in late March was officially off season. That meant we got the room, which was a suite, for $60 per night. Normally, the same room would be $300 per night, post Memorial Day. Woo-hoo!

We stayed about three days and mostly did walks around town, found more great eating bargains. It seemed the locals were quite happy to have anyone in town during this time of year, even poverty stricken grad student types such ourselves. Newport had plenty of colonial history for us to wander around. And during the turn of the 20th century, it was apparently the hotspot for the Guilded Age set to build ostentatious castles. There's a spectacular walk along a cliff that takes you past the former residents of the Astors, Vanderbilts, etc.

Here's one of their little love shacks, known as "The Breakers":

Yowza.

Anyway, we had long walks along the water front. More cheap eats. And just a fun, relaxing time away from the madness. I wish we had time for more exploration. There's so much more I'd love to see up here. We haven't even touched Maine, New Hampshire...Ah, well. So much of our focus is no one returning to the Bay Area. That's already feeling epic enough...

Well, we definitely need the money...

After our income-free year in Cambridge, we'll have a nice debt to welcome us when we get back to Oakland. How should we pay it off? The answer may lie in this item posted to the Boston Burning Man listserv:

Hey there folks.

So I am friends with the producer/casting director for a tv series called "Wife Swap" and they are sick and tired of little cookie-cutter suburbanite families. They are looking for a "circus-esque family" that is quirky, extreme, creative, and/or different. They are looking for a family with flair and style. If your family is selected you will be paid $20,000 for doing the show which is an 11 day commitment, 6 of those days which you are seperated from your spouse. The rules are this *must be a Mom and Dad. They dont need to be married but they do need to live together *There must be at least one child between the ages 5-18 but they would love for there to be more than one child

I thought this could be an interesting and prosperous gig for the right folks. If you fit these parameters and are interested in more information please contact me and I will send along the information.

If only Liam were a few months older. Oh, well....

Brush with greatness...

Well, not exactly. But one recent dinner companion has had a moment in the spotlight.

We've finally come out of our shell and been more social in recent weeks. Something that's been tough to do out here given our schedules. But we've had some wonderful dinners in recent weeks, including a nice visit with Tim and Sarah, parents of one of Liam's classmates.

Another weekend, Jen brought over a guy from her MIT class and his wife. Sam, it turns out, specializes in studying...professional wrestling. He's a very interesting guy, actually, and we had a great time with both of them. Then, just a couple weeks later, Sam was featured in this story in The Boston Globe. Here's a taste:

Such discussions are a normal part of the newest full-credit course offering in MIT's Comparative Media Studies program: "American Pro Wrestling." The class explores the history of an American institution that brings athleticism, theatrical performance, and choreographed stunt work together in a square, roped-off ring. During the semester, students watch dozens upon dozens of wrestling matches, from 1980s clashes between Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho Man" Savage to modern-day battles on "Monday Night Raw." Students examine how technology has transformed wrestling into a multimedia business, and how the styles and storytelling methods have changed over the years. The required reading on the syllabus includes colorful titles such as "Steel Chair to the Head" and "Sex, Lies, and Headlocks."

This quirky addition to the MIT course catalog was the brainchild of grad student Sam Ford, who designed and teaches the curriculum. The class has created buzz on the campus and beyond. One blogger called it "The Undisputed End of Higher Education." Ford said a radio station in California called the class "a sign of the apocalypse."

Why study wrestling? Ford hopes students "use the class to learn more about how to critically analyze, discuss, and write about the popular culture they consume." And he's not the only one who sees the academic value of it.

Read the full story here.

We'll be back...

Though there was never much doubt...As I mentioned in my email the other day...Yes, we're coming back to Oakland.

If folks haven't heard, Jen has been accepted into the University of California at Berkeley in the Sociology Department where she'll be a PhD candidate for the next 50 years or so. I am scheduled to return to the Mercury News in June, assuming it hasn't been sold yet again in my absence.

In fact, last night, we even booked our tickets...Our scheduled arrival is June 9. Prepare the parade.

When we return, you'll a chance to meet this short-haired weirdo:

Whoever he is...

Kalian's special brother...

Back in February, there was a fascinating piece published in the New York Times Magazine, "Her Autistic Brothers," by Olsson.

It's worth reading. In a nutshell, the piece looks at a teenage girl who has two slightly older twin brothers, who are autistic. It uses her as a case study to look at some recent research that shows that rather being a detriment, having siblings who are "special needs" can in some cases cause their brothers and sisters to become "supersiblings." That is, they become more advanced emotionally and developmentally.

The piece struck a chord. While it's too early to tell whether this is true of Kalian, it's been interesting to watch her rapid development, and how that may affect her relationship with Liam. Although she is only 21.5 months, she has mastered some things that Liam still struggles with, like holding a crayon with a tripod grasp, or her balance, which is phenomenal. We always try to avoid comparing, but can't help it sometimes. They both learned how to put on their jackets about the same time this year(the classic dip-and-flip).

Liam doesn't seem aware of this, or to resent it. Still, it can be difficult to watch at times. A couple days ago, I had to take Liam for a physical therapy evaluation at Cambridge Schools, to see if he qualifies for physical therapy. His skills were apparently all over the map (ie, throws a ball fine, can jump okay, can't stand on one leg, has trouble walking up stairs). Kalian was there, and of course, stood right up one leg while watching her brother try - and fail - to do that same.

At home, Kalian has slowly taken the dominant role in their relationship. They play together a lot more. But she'll instigate things like trying to provoke Liam by hitting him and then running away, looking over her shoulder to see if he's chasing her and giggling. And she constantly gets Liam in trouble by doing things like throwing her food, or dropping her cup, which makes Liam laugh and which he then imitates.

Perhaps the sweetest element of their relationship at the moment, though, is that they've started sleeping together in the same bed. Kalian has simply abandoned her crib, now that she can escape. She demands to sleep in her brother's bed ("I wan Bubba's bed"...Yes, she calls him "Bubba.")

Dad's day off...

Jen is on spring break this week. So as a bonus, I got a "day off." It's a Sunday, and after she got back from yoga, I took off. I was officially free for the day. Of course, it was quite chilly. But a I grabbed a backpack, my iPod, newspapers, books, and trekked on down to the T. I headed into the city, just wandering a bit, unencumbered. If that sounds less than exciting, let me assure you, it wasn't. Except for attending a journalism conference back in November, I hadn't really just experienced the city by myself very much. So this was liberating, wandering around Boston Commons, Copley Square, Quincy Market.

Near Boston Commons, I ducked into a movie theater, simply because I could. I saw "The Host," an excellent South Korean monster movie. Outstanding, really. After that, I toured some more, making my way to the North End, the Italian district. I stopped for an espresso, and then picked up some canolis to take home. I stopped in the old North Church (where Paul Revere got the infamous signal...)

But the funny thing was, all this alone time gave me time to think about how my time with the kids is coming to an end. As dinnertime neared, I knew I had permission to stay out as late as I wanted. But I decided to head home, because I missed the critters and Jen, of course. It was a surprise to me. Okay, maybe I'm just a masochist. But I know I'm going to miss spending all this time with them when we're back in Oakland. And so I got back for dinner and bedtime, glad to see them, and glad for day off.

Dan Zanes...

We had a fabulous time at our first Dan Zanes concert today. We went with a big group of folks, 20 including us. Somehow, I had gotten it into my head to turn this into a big production. Given the general craziness of our lives, I probably should have just bought us a few tickets and been done with it.

Still, I had originally thought that it would make a good outing for the kids in Liam's preschool. But it sort of morphed into something else. There was us, and two other Blue Room Families. Then there was a friend from Coop, our friends Anita and George, Bay Area transplants, Debbie, another SF refugee. In all, a diverse group, and lots of fun.

Our seats weren't stellar, but the kids were still into it. Here's a bad video clip, via my camera:

Father and sons...

By coincidence, I just read two consecutive books exploring relationships between father and sons.

The first was "Lay of the Land," by Richard Ford. This is the latest in Ford's epic "Frank Bascombe" trilogy. While the first two are among my favorite books, you don't need to have read them to appreciate this one. In any case, in this latest installment, our hero is 57, and gearing up to host a Thanksgiving weekend that will include a visit from his son, who is in his late 20s. While his son makes a decent living writing for a greeting card company in Kansas City, Frank, who lives on the Jersey shore, can't escape his disappointment over the way his son has turned out. It's not that the son is a failure, in any measurable way. Rather, for Bascombe, it's the small things, like his son's mullet, or that he lives in in the Midwest (gasp!), or that his worldview is considerably different. Despite good intentions, both father and son can't seem to connect, or understand each other. In the previous book, the son was a teenager with growing troubles in school and life which Frank tried -- and failed -- to repair.

The second book was "Gilead," by Marilynne Robinson. This was our latest book club pick. It's a slim, slow read. The father in this case is an Iowa pastor who got married and had a son in his late 60s. It's now the 1950s, and having just found out he doesn't have long to live, the father is writing a long letter to his young son, telling him all the things he will never have a chance to say when the boy is old enough to understand them. It's a subtle book that sneaks up you at the end.

I really enjoyed both, on their own terms. Of course, it's hard not to read them and not have the vague anxiety that all parents probably have at one point or another about how their kids will turn out, and how much you can even influence that. Will Liam be able to make friends? Will Kalian mellow out? Will Liam be a trenchcoat wearing, skateboarding, smoking-behind-the-school kid? Will Kalian continue along the path to becoming a girlie girl?

I guess the real question is this: Will I be able accept them for what they become, and not measure them against some ideal I had in mind for them? I hope so.

The Wisdom of Liam

The other day, I got a bit frustrated with Liam for spilling something. Frankly, I can't even remember exactly what it was. But I let loose with the "F-word" and immediately regretted it.

Liam then stuck his hands in pants and got a sad look on his face.

"Liam, are you sticking your hands in your pants because you're upset with me?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. And then: "Daddy, don't say f--k. Next time, just say, 'Liam, please don't do that.' Okay?"

Yes, buddy. Lesson learned.

Hair Today, part 2...

Speaking of hair (see Kalian's below), I had a radical makeover today. I got the SuperCuts special. And I shaved the Grizzly Adams beard that had sprouted. So I look 15 years old now. Jen is shell shocked. I'm sure my mom will be tickled. Kalian ran away from me when I picked her up at Coop today. Liam's friends ran over to check it out when I got him at preschool.

Noted one of the kids: "Hey, you're not going to be able to do a ponytail anymore."

True.

Liam's vision...

As were eating tonight, Liam announced:

"I have something fun I want to tell you guys. After dinner, I want to build a truck that blows up cars and houses and makes ice cream."

Kid Logic

I've recently become obsessed with listening to "This American Life." I know I'm the last person on the planet to discover the show. But I mention it because the show last week was on "Kid Logic." It's an amusing and interesting look at how kids experience the world.

I've posted a link to the show to the right if you want to give a listen.

One commentator noted that little kids are like scientists, constantly conducting experiments on objects and people around them. I'm going to have to keep that in mind next time Kalian is chucking her bowl of food on the floor.

Hair today...

Apropos of nothing, we've been talking a lot about Kalian's hair. We have now dubbed it, the "Rod Stewart Hair." It may look like she just woke up. She didn't. This is just what it's like. It's growing in 50 different directions quite naturally, thank you.

Hey, Huckleberry...

Great parenting moment tonight. I was putting Liam to bed. His usual routine is that I offer to read him three books. He insists on four. I give in. But tonight, he noticed one of Jen's books sitting on the night stand: "Huckleberry Finn." He picked it up and asked me what it was. There were some rought sketches every few pages to hold his attention. I asked him if he wanted me to read it, and he said, "Yes."

So we lay back on the bed, and read the first two chapters of Huckleberry Finn. Liam seemed to follow along fine and understand a good bit of it. Though it was tricky explaining Jim's relationship. But Liam totally understood that Huck didn't like to follow the rules, and so he snuck out in the middle of the night to meet his buddy, Tom Sawyer.

Hopefully that didn't give him any ideas....

Monday, Monday...

Jen elbowed me in the ribs.

"Can you take Kalian to go pee?"

It was 6:45 a.m. A good morning. This is about as late as we can hope she sleeps. I rolled over, and Kalian was peeking over her mother's shoulder. I slid past Liam, who had crawled into our bed sometime in the middle of the night.

"Pee-pee?" I asked Kalian. She replied, "Yeah!" I walked to the bathroom and she followed, pulling down her PJs and sitting right down on her potty. I was slowly waking up. Kalian, did her pee, then reached down, lifted the basin out of her potty, dumped it in the big toilet, and then replaced it. After washing hands, we headed to the kitchen.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I said.

"Ree-ree."

"Raisins?"

"Yeah!" and then "Bo--" as she pointed to the bowls.

I complied. I made coffee. I ate. I catered to her whims ("Mo' wa-wa.")

This is the rush morning. We have to be out of the house by 7:30 a.m. to get Liam to his occupational therapy appointment at 8 a.m. across town. I make lunch for him. I get her diaper bag ready. I change a shirt, brush my teeth, in a half-hearted nod to personal hygiene. I gather some food Liam can eat in the car. He's still sleeping and it's 7:20 a.m. I lift him up, now he's screaming. I change his clothes, brush his teeth, and carry him down to the car. It's 7:30 a.m.

Liam, Kalian and I fly through the Cambridge traffic. I'm driving and handing them bananas and rice cakes with almond butter at the same time. We get to the school early for a change, and head down the therapy room, where we find Tina, Liam's occupational therapist. For the next 45 minutes, Liam runs through a variety of tasks to build his coordination and planning skills. He swings from a harness while picking up stuffed frogs; he pulls putty apart to dig out little plastic animals, and he paints a mural by dipping a toilet plunger in some paint.

Then we're back in the car, scrambling back across town to his preschool. We arrive at 9:10 a.m. I park and we escort Liam to his room (the Blue Room), which is already packed with kids. This is an overwhelming time for Liam, and he wanders from group to group, trying to figure out who is doing what, before finally settling in. We hug, and then say goodbyes.

On our way out, we bump into one of the other Blue Room moms, Julie. She invites Kalian and I to join her for coffee around the corner at Darwin's, our favorite cafe. Julie's son is about Kalian's age (21 months!). We make stabs at adult conversation in between subduing the kiddies. And then we have to go, across town again, to Trader Joe's. It's 10:00 a.m.

I plow through the aisles, grabbing food, stuffing snacks into Kalian's mouth. We check out, and drive home where we unpack the groceries. It's 11:15 a.m. We play for a bit, then eat some lunch. Then it's back into the car to pick up Liam at preschool.

A new feature of our Monday is Sports Class at the Little Gym in Woburn. The Little Gym is a local chain of gymnastic studios. We signed up Liam for a "sports class" which is a mix of gymnastics and learning basic sport skills. The current focus is hockey. Liam loves it. He's enthusiastic, coordinated, focused, and follows direction during the hour-long class. In other words, he becomes a kid I hardly recognize, but in a good way.

Only drawback: The class is in Woburn, a 30 minute drive north. We're in the car. Again. I'm handing food back over the seats as we work our way to the highway and then up to Woburn. But once we're there, Liam is bubbling with excitement.

The class is over and Liam is still bursting. I coral him and we get back into the car to drive home. We arrive, ramble up the steps and sit down for a snack. It's 3:30 p.m. We play. Liam wants to build a car wash and begins furiously cutting some paper which we tape to a box. We also play some music, which Liam is rediscovering. Kalian is coloring. Then it's time to make dinner.

Jen's schedule is even crazier this semester. She doesn't get home until 6:30 p.m. on Mondays. So the three of us eat. Fish sticks. My ambition was once to prepare an elaborate, well balanced, home cooked meal every night. That lasted a few weeks last summer but was abandoned by Fall. The bar for meals continues to drop. After eating, I do the dishes while the kids run around.

Jen arrives at 6:30 p.m. I am already putting on my coat and packing a backpack for the gym. Monday nights I've been taking a Scottish fiddling class. I haven't played the violin much since high school. But the class has been great. It's taught by an oustanding local fiddle player named Hanneke Cassel. The class is a blast, though my playing is woeful. Judge for yourself. Here's me practicing a tune we're learning, "Stella's Trip To Cam Loops":

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After class, I rush to the T which I take to the gym for a quick workout until the gym closes at 10 p.m. I take the T back, and then walk home. It's just starting to snow. I arrive home and Jen says she's feeling horrible. She asks me to go out and get her some heartburn medicine. I drop my stuff, get back in the car, and drive slowly to the pharmacy through the snow which is really coming down now. I get home with the medicine. It's 10:45 p.m. Jen is getting worse and has the beginning of the flu, which later causes her to cancel a trip later in the week to Berkeley.

We go to bed at 11:15 p.m. Jen is feeling awful. It's going to be a long night.

We've come a long way...

Two weeks and no blog. Yet the news is mostly good. We survived the Massachusetts winter break. Schools here close twice during this semester for a week. I felt tremendous anxiety leading up to this first break. I kept having acid flashbacks to last summer, when both kids were home every day, clawing each other's eyes out. No preschool for Liam. No Coop for Kalian. Egads.

In fact, the week was quite pleasant. More than that, it was a lot of fun. And when it wound down, I realized just how far we've all come since last summer.

The biggest and most obvious changes are in Liam and Kalian. Besides being six months older, their relationship has changed dramatically. It might be too much to call them buddies, but they play together quite a bit, cracking each other up, talking to each other. Kalian has taken on the role of troublemaker, inducing her older brother into trouble by throwing food, standing on her chair, and causing mayhem. Occasionally, the fun turns into naked aggression. But not so much.

That meant that during the off week, I didn't wake up with stomach-churning stress trying to figure out an activity, or a trip, or something to soothe the savage beasts. Instead, we spent several mornings, the three of us, just leisurely hanging out in the apartment and playing.

For the most part, this was made possible by some dramatic changes in Liam, and mostly for the better. The little guy has really blossomed in the last few weeks. If you read my posts from last fall, when we were so worried about his development and stuttering, it would have been hard to imagine. But his language and speech have improved dramatically. He has become far more coordinated. But most interesting, his range of interests have radically expanded.

While he still likes trucks, legos, and trains, he's far more interested in imaginative play, and doing art projects. A few weeks ago, he was barely interested in picking up a crayon. Now he hatches these elaborate schemes for creating things and plunges right in. It seems every time I turn around, he's picking up some scissors, or string, or tape, or crayons, to make some project. One day, after reading a Curious George book where he goes fishing, Liam wanted to act out most of the book, including making a fishing pole from a mop and a hook in the kitchen.

After attending a recent Chinese New Year parade in Boston, we came home and Liam wanted to make a lion out of a box and a blanket so he, Kalian and I, could parade around the house all afternoon. Liam helped tape up the box, paint it, cut out eyes from paper, and tape them on.

Beyond the kids themselves, our social scene has begun to feel more expansive. During the week off, we hosted two of Kalian's friends from Coop, Maya and Alex. Another friend, Charlotte, came and played one afternoon. The next morning, a little girl from preschool that Liam adores, Katharine, came over to play. The two of them sat at our craft table for an hour just pasting and taping stuff together.

On the social front, things have been feeling more casual, and easier. Strange, of course, to think we'll be leaving in three months, just as we are feeling more embraced.

We even had a friend visit from New York, Alayna, who took the bus up here and stayed over the President's Day Weekend. It was great to see her, and selfishly, I'm always happy to have someone help the kids. She was even gracious enough to babysit one night so Jen and I could see a movie. ("The Lives of Others." Great, even though I fell asleep for 20 minutes in the middle.)

By the end of the week, I was definitely ready for a break. But for the most part, it was a wonderful time. And as we begin to think about returning to Oakland, it even makes me a little sad to think that I won't have many more months to experience these kind of extended moments.

Chinese New Year

Last Friday, Liam's classroom, dubbed the "Blue Room", staged its annual Chinese New Year celebration. The celebration was part of the weekly assembly at Cambridge-Ellis preschool, where all the rooms take turns singing a song for everyone.

But this week, the Blue Room was the main event. They had been practicing their Dragon Dance for a couple weeks. Marissa, the main teacher, led the group while holding the "Pearl of Fire." The Dragon (whose head was worn by Jermaine, another BR teacher) was supposed to be trying to chase the Pearl of Fire. And Liam was pretty excited about this. At the dragon's tail is Saba, the other BR teacher.

Jen and I and Kalian all managed to make it this week to see how young master Liam and his comrades would do. See for yourself: