Liam and Kalian

Liam's Comic Books

2011-03-01T16:11:00.001-08:00

Liam Schradie, a 2nd grader at North Oakland Community Charter School, would like to announce that he is selling a stack of comic books that he has written and illustrated.

There are eight books available. Titles include "King of Careo, Part I" and "Star Wars Book 4." The prices range from $5 to $11 each.

Please leave a comment here if you want more information.

The 50th Wedding Anniversary of Joe and Marge Schradie

2010-08-24T11:41:00.001-07:00

We just spent an incredible weekend with Jen's family in Santa Cruz, celebrating her parent's 50th Wedding anniversary. With one sister living in South Korea, and one living in North Carolina where her parents are also, they had folks coming from long distances to be here.

As part of the celebration, Jen's nephew, Mikael, who is a student filmmaker, made this moving video from the family's old 8mm home movies and photos. There's something about the dated quality of the old film that you just won't ever get from the mass of digital video being created these days, something that evokes the time and place. It's a wonderful, short video and I don't think you even need to know the people to be touched by it.

Another one of Jen's nephews, Daniel, made this video greeting from her sister's family (with six kids!) in South Korea, who were not all able to make the trip. Kalian has been singing this non-stop, and is convinced "All You Need Is Love" was written by her cousins, and not those copycat Beatles.

Dispatch from Oakland

2010-08-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

Clearly, my intention to blog here on a more regular basis has not happened. In part, that's because I made a personal decision to scale way back on all my extra projects and blogging outside of writing my twice weekly column for the San Jose Mercury News. And in part, it's because Facebook has made it seductively easy to post quick updates and photos that keep many friends and family in the loop on our latest news.

Still, it doesn't capture all the big moments, or the context, in a thoughtful way. I still hope to get back to doing that here. And even now, I'm just trying to recount some of the things have taken place in the past six months. This will be more of a jumble, than a complete accounting. But still...

The big news: Jen passed her qualifying exam in May, meaning she now moves on to her dissertation. A great achievement and I'm very proud of her.

Liam, after struggling with reading for a long time, suddenly began reading just a few months ago. A joy, and a relief. I had been anxious for a long time and even explored some rather pricey private reading programs. Now, it seems he's excited about it and at that stage where he wants to read every sign he sees.

And Liam played t-ball this spring and to my great delight, seemed to truly love it. I'm always wary of pushing him too much, and yet wanting to encourage him to try new things. We weren't sure how he'd do with any kind of organized sports. But even a couple of months later, he asks to go play catch, and talks about practicing for next year when he moves up to coach pitch.

Kalian had her last day at Hearts Leap North. A big transition, as there were several close friends she won't get to see on a regular basis. And several families that became our friends, ties that can be a challenge to maintain after such changes, as we found when Liam moved form pre-school to kindergarten.

And speaking of diving right in, both Liam and Kalian took private swim lessons at the Berkeley YMCA, and have now become like little fish. Easily some of the best money we've ever spent as parents.

Liam at the start of last school year (top), and the end of the year(bottom)

We are settled back into life in Oakland after an amazing month in Bolinas. All of the fruit has fallen off the trees in the backyard. More on Bolinas in a follow up post.

AT-AT DAY AFTERNOON

2010-06-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

Chillaxin' in the hot tub, near the chicken coop.

2010-06-26T16:22:00.001-07:00

Bolinas beach

2010-06-26T15:33:00.001-07:00

Liam's First Lego Animation

2010-02-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

It was only a matter of time before I relented, and made a stop-action Lego video with Liam. Aside from the shoddy quality, it was really a lot of fun. And he was so proud once I showed it to him. He also insisted we add music, which definitely does help.

So it begins....

2010-02-12T15:46:00.001-08:00

Kalian said the other day:

"I'm beautiful and Liam's cool, right?"

Sigh.

Why we didn't get a Wii for Christmas

2010-01-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share a column I wrote Monday for the Mercury News on our decision not to get the Wii this year. Enjoy:

by Chris O'Brien

Before the holidays, I knew exactly what I was going to write in this space.

My wife and I were planning to buy a Wii for Christmas. It would be my first video game system since my Atari back in the early 1980s. And I expected to wax joyfully about our family's plunge into the world of video games.

Except things didn't quite work out that way.

We did buy a Wii. But 24 hours and one panic attack later, I returned it with immense relief.
Perhaps this makes me a traitor to the economy, or an unwelcome Luddite in the gloriously high-tech Silicon Valley. But before a geek lynch mob hunts me down, let me explain why we opted — mostly — for a tech-gadget-free holiday.

I've had almost no interest in video games since I was in junior high school. I came of age in the Pac Man-Donkey Kong generation. After bowling league on Saturday mornings (yes, I was on a bowling team), I'd head for the arcade and play Galaga or Ms. Pac Man. But as games became more complex, more lifelike, I lost interest. I owned the first Atari, and I played Frogger on it.

But that's about as far as it went.

When I became a columnist almost two years ago, I felt pretty comfortable writing about most topics because I've covered just about everything in my decade in Silicon Valley. But video games were a definite blind spot for me. As the XBox, PlayStation and Wii consoles made video games one of the most popular and lucrative forms of entertainment,

I abstained.

Filling in that knowledge gap was one of the ways I rationalized getting a Wii: I needed it for work. Yeah, that's it.

But really, my interest in video games has been rekindled because of my two kids, Liam, 7, and Kalian, 4. They've become increasingly curious about computers. My wife and I, like many parents, have been trying to strike a balance between letting them explore computers, and keeping them from becoming techno-obsessed shut-ins who spend all day online and have no friends. Our current rule is that each kid gets 30 minutes of "screen time" once a week to play games online, surf the Web or print out coloring pages.

Beyond that, Liam has been playing with Wiis when he visits friends, or his cousins in Scotts Valley, or believe it or not, our local YMCA. The Wii seemed by far to be the most family-friendly gaming system. And with the price falling to $199, this seemed like the right time to dive in.

So the week before Christmas, I drove over to the nearest Best Buy. And that's when the anxiety set in.

There were plenty of Wiis in stock, so no problems there. I picked one up and was asking an employee a couple of questions when he noted that the console came with only one controller.
Hmmm. One controller + two kids = eye-gouging fights Christmas morning. I knew I needed another one, which cost $49.

Then I began looking for a couple of games to go with it. I knew we'd be paying a bit more for these. But as I looked at some games we wanted, like "Lego Rock Band," I realized that I needed other controllers, like a microphone, drums or guitar. These could run another $100 or more if I got all of them. So I passed and didn't get any games, figuring they could just play the games that came with it for now.

As I examined the box, I realized that I had forgotten that the Wii could also be connected to the Web. The problem here was that our cable modem is in the kitchen (don't ask) and the TV is in the living room. Guess that's a headache I'd have to figure out later.

As I was finally checking out, the cashier asked if I wanted any batteries. "Batteries? For what?" I wondered. She explained that the controllers ran on batteries. Gulp. I grabbed a package of rechargeable batteries, for about $30.

Having spent about $90 more than I expected, I had a few knots in my stomach on the way home and was kicking myself for not doing my research. Bad columnist. Bad.

Back on the couch, as my wife and I were discussing this, we also started trying to figure out what the new policies governing this device would be. Would we still have only 30 minutes of screen time a week? Could they play it every day for 10 minutes? One thing was sure: They'd be asking for it every second of every day.

Cue the panic attack. The next day I returned the whole thing. No questions asked, thank you very much.

Come Christmas morning, I knew I had done the right thing. First of all, had there been a Wii, it would have overshadowed every single other gift. As it was, Liam was excited by his Lego sets and Bakugan ball. Kalian was tickled by her Groovy Girls dolls. (Our attempts at gender-neutral parenting have not been 100 percent successful.) And both of them have been enjoying some basic board games we got this year: Trouble and Operation (which technically is a consumer electronic device). All of these would likely be gathering dust on a shelf somewhere if we kept the Wii.

Now, it's not like we're anti-video games. In fact, Liam's favorite activity during his screen time is to play "The Hunt for R2-D2" on the Lego.com Web site. And Kalian likes to play some Barbie games online. Both of these are free. The graphics are richer than anything I could have imagined back in my Atari days. Why shell out $10 to $30 for new games when there are so many free kids games online at places like the Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network sites?

Now, in all likelihood, we will probably — probably! — get a Wii next year. But for now, the kids seem quite content with the other consumer electronic gadget we did buy this year: a calculator.
If I can maintain that childhood innocence, that appreciation of simple things, for one more year, then passing on the Wii this year was the right move.

Contact Chris O'Brien at 415-298-0207 or cobrien@mercurynews.com. Follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/sjcobrien and read his blog posts at http://www.siliconbeat.com/.

Liam gets a job

2010-01-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, you read the title of that post right. Liam, age 7, now has a job at our local public library. A couple of weeks ago, I took Liam and Kalian to the library to kill a couple of hours there. And out of nowhere, Liam walked up to one of the librarians (who he knows and loves) and asked if he could have a job. And to her credit, she didn't just laugh it off. Instead, she started talking to him about what he'd like to do and when he'd like to do it.

Liam said he wanted to help put books back on shelves. She said that was something he could work up to, but instead suggested she needed help putting stickers on books (the ones where you stamp the date on). She wrote up a small contract and agreed to pay Liam 25 cents an hour.

And so, after a couple of phone calls, Liam went to the library for an hour and helped her. Jen and Kalian hung around, but everything seemed to go fine. And it was clear, when I got home that night, how proud he was.

Nothing epic, but just one of those reminders that somehow, despite our parental bungling, he's actually growing up and becoming his own, independent guy.

Liam Turns Seven

2010-01-10T00:17:00.000-08:00

A two-week marathon of holidays and birthday parties came to end, at last, today, with Liam's birthday party at Albany Bowl. Because his birthday falls on Dec. 30, we go overboard making sure he doesn't feel like he's getting short-changed because of the proximity to Christmas. So, instead, he gets four parties: school, at Mickey's, at home with us, and then an official party party. He asked for a bowling party, perhaps remembering how much he enjoyed his fourth birthday party in Cambridge which was also a bowling party.

We had a phenomenal afternoon, bowling and playing arcade games. I'm not sure how much Liam was really interested in the bowling. But he was clearly delighted to be surrounded by friends. I was very happy for him. Happy birthday, buddy. I can't believe it's already been seven years.

Back To Blogging

2010-01-04T12:02:00.000-08:00

I didn't set out to intentionally take a three month break from blogging. But that's what happened. I didn't fall off the face of the planet. But I did realize that I had been going full blazes for quite some time. And to be honest, I got a little burned out. I kicked into overdrive across several of the places where I blog professionally last summer, as well as here.

Then, in early October, I attended four journalism-related conferences that had me blogging and tweeting non-stop. By mid-October, I decided to step back for a couple weeks. And that turned into a few months.

I stopped contributing to IdeaLab and even to SiliconBeat. And that was actually tough. Because a number of times I had something I really want to say, and forced myself not to say it.

In part, I've been trying to think about how to re-balance things in my life. Since I returned to work in mid-2007, I've frequently been working until 2 a.m. trying to juggle work at the Mercury News and outside projects and blogging. It hasn't been great for my health, even if I did enjoy it.

I'm back to blogging now. But I'm going to try to make other things a priority. Number one being my health. That's going to start with a self-enforced bed time of 11 a.m. each night. I've always known this, but getting enough sleep is essential to having the energy to work out and eat better.

I'm also trying to get back to reading. All my adult life, I've been a voracious reader of novels. The longer, the better. But back in 2007, I had a lot of research material to read, and I delved deep in to blogs, and I made a conscious decision to put books aside for awhile. That break turned into two years. I've been trying the past few months to read again, but fitting it in has been a struggle. I'm determined to do it, though. I believe I write better when I'm reading a lot of creative writing. So this is both a personal and professional issue.

So, these are my resolutions for 2010. Please hold me to them.

Fire And Rain

2009-09-12T22:54:00.001-07:00

Our plans for a Saturday morning yard sale were upended by a rain storm. Not just a drizzle, or mist. But a real storm, with thunder and lightning. I can probably count on my hands the number of those I've seen those in the 10 years I've lived in the Bay Area. And so, we were in full improvisation mode.

Kalian, always the curious one, wanted to go for a walk around the block just to see what it was like to walk in the rain under an umbrella. (see picture above).

When we got back, I needed to find something to amuse them. Fortunately, I came across a listing for an open house at The Crucible. I had always wanted to visit and what could be better than a free open house? The Crucible is a big, industrial art studio where artists forge big metal sculptures, blow fantastic glass objects, and in general build all sorts of inspiring, funky things. It's one of the great Bay Area-Burning Man type places that makes me appreciate living here.

So I took Liam and Kalian down for a few hours and it was as good as I'd hoped. Liam walked right in and exclaimed, "This place is awesome." There were some people blowing glass in a big furnace when we first entered.

Liam and Kalian both spent about 30 minutes making picture frames and magnets out of glass fragments:

Then it was on to making etchings in sand plates:

And then clay:

Liam made an elaborate clay sculpture involving an alien and a swimming pool with diving board:

It's great to see Liam so engaged. For so long, he was the kid who refused to do any art-related activities. I never wanted to press him to hard, but I remember being so disappointed any time I tried to nudge him to try a craft of some kind and he ran screaming in the other direction. He's always been very creative and it's great to seem him finally developing the patience to create the things in his mind. Earlier in the day, he staged a whole play behind the couch using action figures and playmobile people.

So the Crucible was a hit, and from there we drove the Berkeley Y for an hour of swimming before heading home to watch (gulp) Tinkerbelle. It was Kalian's turn to pick for movie night, and she had been dying to watch this godawful DVD that someone gave her. And yes, it was horrific.

But as days without a plan go, this was a great one. Tomorrow, we've got a regular family meditation gathering which will fill most of the day.

Kalian Rides!

2009-09-08T22:20:00.001-07:00

Tonight, Kalian officially left behind the running bike and rode her pedal bike around the block. We may not have done much right as parents, but we've done pretty well with the whole bike riding thing. Both kids learned to ride first on a running bike, rather than using training wheels. I had a hunch that Kalian was ready about a month ago. Tonight, after a rough evening with tantrums galore, Kalian asked if I'd take her out on the pedal bike because, "It had been, a long, long, long time since we rode the pedal bike."

Sure enough, she hopped right on, scooted a few feet, and then pedaled away. Of course, she had to stop every few feet to offer up commentary on what she was doing. But that was just her way of being excited. And she was beaming.

At one point, she needed help to get started. I was holding the seat and giving her a push. When she was ready for me to let go she shouted, "Daddy, I don't need you any more!" And it made me smile and wince at the same time.

It was just the latest, obvious sign of how quickly she's growing up, and changing. I just noticed the other night, as she was falling asleep, that she's barely blonde any more. She was a redhead until she was about two, and then went sharply blonde. Now her hair has turned brown with only some blonde streaks remaining. She'll soon have Jen's brownish-blonde hair. But the curls are only getting more intense. My lone contribution to her genetic structure, I think.

Here she was at the dentist a couple weeks ago, already a pro who was proud she knew the ropes:

And because she's only going to pre-school four days this year, we hang out Friday mornings. She requested we stop by Nomad's for a bagel. And I couldn't help but notice that she looked like a teenager curled up in the big lounge chair, snacking away:

For now, though, she shows no sign of leaving behind is her princess obsession. But who knows how much longer that will last? Okay, who are we kidding. That will probably be around for a few more years. Until the Hannah Montana years start.

Old Friends And New Ones At The End Of Summer

2009-09-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

Just returning from a wonderful afternoon spent at Dolores Park watching the fantastic SF Mime Troupe, a real Bay Area treasure. The musical this year, "Too Big To Fail." Not their best, but still spot on political satire.

Even better, though, we spent the afternoon with Doug and Karen, two new friends we've met through Liam's elementary school. It's taken awhile for us to really gel with anyone there. I think it's natural. But I was definitely overwhelmed last year with all the new faces. We had the 20 new families from his kindergarten room. And then there were the 25 new families at Kalian's new pre-school (her third school in three years, poor thing). I barely felt I had time for all the people in our lives already. And now we had another 45 families with which to mingle.

Back when we lived in Cambridge, it took almost the whole year before I felt like we were just become a part of some people's lives when we left. It's not easy, given that everyone comes to the table with their own friends, their own complicated lives.

For the past year, that's meant a lot of work arranging play-dates for Liam, who demands them constantly. As most parents know, this can feel like a full-time job, adding another layer of scheduling.

As such, we tend to be the ultimate last-minute people. This weekend, that paid off. We had old friends Lori and Ori, and daughters Hannah and Ruby, over for a BBQ on Saturday, responding to an email I sent out Friday night. We met through our midwife, initially worried that Hannah and Liam would be born too close together for us both to use her. Hannah and Liam went to pre-school together. And when we returned form Cambridge, we very nearly decided to move into their house (a duplex) and do the group house thing. Our blooming fruit trees in the back yard convinced us to stay put. (Though as a side note, had we sold our house, we would hit the very top of the housing market back in 2007. Ah, well).

Still, Lori and Ori are the kind of folks we worry about loosing touch with as the kids move to different schools. And so far, to our relief, it hasn't happened.

And on Sunday, also in a last minute invite, Karen and Doug met us at Dolores Park and then we grabbed burritos before riding Bart back together. Oddly, Liam's classmates Vera pals around with Kalian, while her younger brother Roy buddies up with Liam. I guess gender trumps age. But when our two have playmates, it makes all the difference. One hates to be mercenary, but there it is.

It was a great ending to summer. And I'm again promising myself that this Fall, I'll become a better planner.

A New School Year Begins

2009-09-02T22:48:00.001-07:00

I posted that shortly after returning home from dropping the Liam off for his first day as a first grader. That's amazing to even write. And it brings on a flood of memories from a summer that was alternately stressful and wonderful. And there's that small pang that Liam is taking one more step toward growing up, and inevitably, away.

The morning started off with his usual grumbling about school, even as I tried to play up the fact that he would get to see all of his friends. And he missed his friends terribly over the summer. He couldn't get enough play dates to satisfy his constant hunger for companionship.

When we arrived at school, Liam gave Ms. G, the director, a High 5, and walked straight into class. His school puts two grades in each class, so he's still in a K/1 class. Having the same teacher for the second year made the start almost a non-event for him. He found his new table, and immediately began making his name tag without anyone explaining to him what he ought to be doing. That's a big deal for him.

Then he turned to the new Kindergartner next to him and began explaining everything about NOCCS and, of course, Star Wars. That taken care of, he went in search of his buddy, Kai. And lo, Kai was wearing the exact same Lego Star Wars shirt that Liam had under his jacket.

I watched as the new teaching assistant, Oscar, watched the comparison of Star Wars shirts and I thought, "Oscar, that's everything you need to know about these two. Good luck." Later, Liam came home with his first light saber drawing of the year. Probably the first of 180 we'll see this year. Sigh.

Still, I couldn't help but notice how independent he seemed. Such a contrast to last year. Grown up, but not completely. When I got home, Liam wanted to play Caillou and Rosie. And he wanted to read a Thomas The Train book for bed. Still a bit of that little boy left inside there.

Still a little bit of the boy who doesn't feel any embarrassment about putting on the Pink Power Ranger costume when his cousins came to visit:

Jen took Kalian to pre-school and true to form, Kalian was giddy and couldn't get there soon enough. Such stereotypes, these children of mine. She has a new teacher, who I have yet to meet. But there was very little drama, I'm told.

So closes another summer. I'll remember our big trip to Yosemite. Our fabulous trip to Family Camp. And how both taught me that the key to any happy vacation is to make sure my children have friends with them.

I'll remember Liam's fixation with wanting to sell everything he owns to get money to buy more stuff. And how Kalian seemed to become more precocious by the day.

We survived our first round of summer camps and the extreme juggling skills that required.

We limped through a final week where Jen threw her back out just as her sister came for a visit from Korea with two cousins. The same cousins who apparently managed to convert our two kids to God-fearing Christians during their brief visit. (Liam spent one evening crying that mommy and daddy were going to a bad place because we didn't believe in God).

But we made it. Across the finnish line. And so I'm ready for Fall, and some calm.

Back from Yosemite

2009-08-31T16:44:00.000-07:00

Well, we actually got back more than a week ago. But what a week it's been.

Just as I was about to leave for work last Monday, Jen threw her back out while doing Yoga. I stayed home on sick leave the whole week to take care of her and the kids. And on top of that, her sister who lives in South Korea came to visit for two days. So stress levels were high and exhaustion was felt by all.

But I finally found some time to put together some of our photos and videos from the trip:

Big tooth number 2 comes out!

2009-08-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

Back From Yosemite

2009-08-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

We returned from Yosemite late, late Friday night. I'm going to wade through photos and gather some thoughts. But first, going with my recent fascination with maps, I wanted to play with the GPS in my BlackBerry. Along with regular pictures and some video, I took occasional photos with the BB which automatically geotagged them using the GPS. It took some doing, but here's a basic map of 21 photos:

View Yosemite in a larger map

Off To Yosemite

2009-08-16T12:50:00.001-07:00

--------------------------
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Marketing Firm Nails Our Princess-Superhero Vibe

2009-08-12T18:22:00.000-07:00

During a play date over the weekend, a random catalog for Halloween costumes slipped into our mailbox. Somehow, a marketing firm absolutely hit its target demographic right on the money. On the cover was this:

The photo is a little grainy, but it's a ninja warrior and a couple of Transformer type costumes. Inside, pages of Star Wars related costumes, superheroes and all sorts of fun stuff. Liam's friend, Kai, was over when it arrived and they must have spent an hour on the floor flipping through it.

Of course, once you got halfway through, the themes changed:

This caught Kalian's eye, naturally. The second from the right is "Belle" (of "Beauty and the Beast"). Kalian is completely obsessed with Belle, though I can find no record of her ever watching the movie. When Jen got home the other night, Kalian showed her the picture and explained that she needed a Belle costume for Halloween, and listed all the accessories that would need to go with it.

Jen calmly explained that we wouldn't buy all that stuff, but might see if we could make some, or maybe find some on Craigslist.

And then, because he loves his sister so (most of the time, though not all..), Liam chimed in that we could use all his money to buy his sister a Belle costume for Halloween.

A Few Of My Favorite Toys

2009-08-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

In a short email asking for some new photos of the kids, my mom ended by writing, "I bet you're excited about that new G.I. Joe movie coming out!"

Well, no, actually. But that note, more than the incessant movie trailers suddenly jarred me into remembering that G.I. Joe had once been my absolutely favorite toy. Strange that I had somehow forgotten. Of course, like so many "classic" toys, G.I. Joe has evolved into something far more sophisticated and violent. The movie looks ultraviolent.

The G.I. Joes I had were from the early 1970s. And I can remember the thrill of getting a G.I. Joe with a "kung-fu action grip."

This gentleman was my constant companion:

Too bad, of course, that I didn't hang on to them because I'm sure they're valuable collectors items.

This also got me thinking about my other favorite toys.

Naturally, there were Legos. In fact, the giant bucket of Legos that Liam plays with six hours a day are mostly my Legos that my mom had the wisdom to save. Because boy, are they expensive!

The other big one was "Micronauts." These have all but vanished, having been discontinued in 1980. But my parents must have spent a few hundred, if not a thousand, dollars buying me Micronaut-related action figures and accessories. Micronauts were what came before Transformers, but were a similar idea. Because all the pieces of the figures and accessories had similar connectors, everything could be taken apart and re-constructed in infinite configurations:

And I remember this Micronauts Rocket Tube being one of my greatest Christmas presents ever:

Of course, it's total hypocrisy that I would never buy any of these things for Liam (excluding Legos). We've tried to steer away from his budding Transformer curiosity. And we worry constantly about his attachment to consumer goods and violent videos.

(Me: "Liam, what do you want to watch?" Liam: "Just something with violence.")

But I do miss those toys. And even though it drives me crazy at times, I'm still glad that he's so passionate about Legos.

Technology, The Future, And My Children

2009-08-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

As someone who makes a living writing about technology and innovation, I probably spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about the future. While I'm not a gadget obsessive like so many in Silicon Valley, I do embrace my inner geek and am always glad to see some of that rubbing off on my kids.

This summer, Liam has been attending several sessions of what is popularly known as "Sarah's Science Camp." (Officially: "This Land Is Our Land.") As is typical, Liam complains on a daily basis about having to go. But it's been clear over the weeks that he's tremendously excited about the projects they get to build. Each week has a theme (circuits, gravity, etc.). In the past few weeks, Liam has built a flashlight, a catapult, a metal detector, and all sorts of cool, nerdy stuff. I think it's so important because the way our society is evolving, we're so much more disconnected from the way things are made, from our cars to our food. I wrote about that theme and the joy of creating after we visited the Maker Faire.

I had less of that as a kid, though I did go to computer camp the summer after eighth grade. Which may tell you all you need to know about what my adolescence was like. Rather than hanging out at the pool and finding a girl to "go steady" with, I was learning how to plot a pixel and save it to a floppy disk.

It's staggering to look back at the immense technological change I've experienced since that computer camp. When I was unpacking some stuff I brought home from the office today, I pulled out a plastic baggy full of diskettes:

Liam looked at them and asked, "Daddy, what are those?" I explained, but he will never, ever use one. That got me thinking of all the other things he'll never probably use when he's an adult. Desktop PCs will probably look ridiculous. And wires? Very possibly our kids will laugh that we had this spaghetti-like mess of wires under out desks.

At the same time, our family has been pretty conservative about a lot of technology. We don't have a video game player, though Liam has recently discovered the existence of the Wii and is dying to get one. So far, the answer is no, but that'll change at some point.

I think this is one of the things that I appreciate, though, about being a parent. How these little moments cause me to re-experience parts of my own childhood, how seeing things through their eyes forces me to see the present in a different light, and how thinking about them growing up leaves me a little envious about the world they'll inherit.

I guess that means that on the whole, I'm optimistic rather than pessimistic about the future we'll leave them.

Respect

2009-08-02T11:51:00.000-07:00

And she's only 4...

The End Of The Innocence

2009-08-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

I posted that to Twitter in the middle of a playdate-palooza this afternoon. Liam's buddy Kai, was over at our house. Both are founding members of the NOCCS Star Wars club. This was the first chance Liam had to display the lightsaber that the Tooth Fairy had left for him.

Kai, 6, wandered into the kitchen, looking a bit baffled. He looked at me and said, "Liam said the Tooth Fairy gave him that lightsaber."

Since he looked confused, I explained, "Well, some people believe the Tooth Fairy leaves you money or presents under your pillow after you lose a tooth. Have you heard of the Tooth Fairy?"

Kai: "I think that things like the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus are just made up to hide that it's really your parents leaving you presents."

Gulp. Liam didn't hear. But he will, soon enough. There will be tears. And that will also mean Kalian will learn soon after, getting a couple years less to enjoy the fantasy.

It just hit me that a special part of childhood is ending, or about to. And I worry that I'm not doing enough to savor it.

This past week was particularly hectic. Jen is crunching to finish a presentation and paper for a conference next week. I had an unexpected project fall into my lap, which had me staying up until 2 a.m. every night for a week (and I'm still not done). That meant that in the morning, I was tired and bitchy, and in the evening, mostly focused on steering them to bed.

Today I forced myself to slowdown. I wrangled a total of five friends to come over at the last minute. Given my tendency to procrastinate, I'm usually running through a phone list of friends on a Saturday morning as both kids are begging for playdates. Jen, on the other hand, organizes these weeks in advance. Last weekend, my last-minutetendencies meant zero playdates. This weekend, a full slate. So, I'm a hero. For now.

But such victories are, of course, short-lived in the eyes of my "what have done for me lately" children. Tomorrow, the battle begins anew.

For Real Life: The Lexicon Of Kalian

2009-07-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

Kalian's favorite phrase these days is: "For real life..."

As in: "I'm having a playdate with Pearl, for real life." Meaning, in these cases, "for real" or "really."

It of course came from the most important cultural source in the kids' lives: YouTube. In particular, from this:

Last Day of Hearts Leap (in crazy hi-def video!)

2009-07-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

Thursday marked the last day of pre-school for Kalian this session. First, off, check out the video above, but be warned: I shot it in high-definition using a Flip HD camera the company loaned out to me. This was my first time shooting hi-def and boy, is it shaky. So you may get quickly dizzy. The HD really picks up every single movement. Jen couldn't even watch it. Clearly I'm going to have to re-learn everything to make use of this thing. But beyond that, in terms of the video quality, I have to say, "Wow." You can blow the Web version up to full screen and it's still very crisp. Just disorienting, too.

In any case, this was Kalian's first year at Heart's Leap. She's been a real trooper when it comes to school. She's attended three in three years: Kid's Coop in Cambridge, Happy Baby last year, and now Heart's Leap. She's got one more year at Happy Baby, and then at long last, she'll be at the same school as Liam. I've been praying for that day for four years now, and it can't come fast enough.

The day was particularly sad because Kalian's main teacher, Tara, is moving back to Wisconsin. I'm sure they'll have a great group this fall, but she was special and Kalian loved her.

Letting It All Hang Out

2009-07-19T00:18:00.001-07:00

Kalian in heavy princess/ballerina mode. I try to enjoy moments like this, knowing that one day, Liam will no longer be willing to rush into his room, grab his own tutu, and twirl his sister around the living room.

Friends And The Guys Weekend

2009-07-18T23:56:00.001-07:00

This is a photo from one of those wonderful playdates. I picked up Liam after his last day of NOCCS camp on Friday. We had a playdate scheduled with Kai (right). But at the last minute, I offered to take Eli (center) home as well. This constituted almost half of the NOCCS Star Wars club. Note that each kid separately wore a Star Wars shirt to camp that day.

This might be something that most parents would take for granted. But not me. Not that long ago, having a playdate with more than one kid at a time was a challenge for Liam. As a kid diagnosed with high functioning autism, Liam's primary challenge remains his social skills. In a playdate with one kid, he does fine. But add one more to the mix, and he tends to fall out of sync and withdraw.

So it was great to see the three of them really groove together. They came home, at the gluten-free cupcakes they baked at camp, and then dug right into the Lego box for two hours to build all sorts of Star Wars related ships. And naturally, at the end, I was called into to film yet another Star Wars Lego Movie Adventure. (see our YouTube channel for several choice episodes in this ongoing saga).

On the most fundamental level, it's simply wonderful to see that Liam has friends, real friends. I suppose that every parent worries that their kid won't have friends. But this has been heightened for us, given Liam's long-time social issues. It's not that he doesn't still have challenges, but it's still a wonderful site.

The playdate was the start of our guys' weekend. Jen took Kalian out of town for the weekend to a music festival. Liam and I hung out, watched The Incredible Hulk on Friday, and Indiana Jones on Saturday. We built our own version of the board game Battleship and played several rounds. And in general, had a nice, mellow time together. I only wish that life could always been this easygoing.

Warning to those with sons under the age of 6: Prepare for the onslaught of Star Wars/Comic book mania that hits at the start of kindergarten.

How Liam Deals With Emotions

2009-07-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

Like so many things about parenting, watching Liam learn to handle his increasingly complex emotions has been a mixed bag for me. Lately, when he gets upset, he retreats to his room, gets out some paper, and writes me an elaborate note with illustrations to express his anger with me. So that's healthy, I think. He recognizes he has strong feelings, and wants to express them. He's still just learning to write, so he tries to sound out the words, though the actual note is impossible to read unless he reads it too me.

Unfortunately, the notes usually explain in some fashion why he wants to kill me. And the illustration includes some drawing of him stabbing me (see above) or some such thing. So, not so good, right?

Welcome To Oakland

2009-07-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

Comedy troupe Killing My Lobster recently posted this fake travel promotional video for Oakland. Hey, I love Oakland, but sadly (and sometimes hysterically), much of this is true. And worse: we live near the fabled Temescal District mentioned near the end. But no, we are not hipsters in the least.

Back From Family Camp

2009-07-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

This just might be one of my all-time favorite pictures of Liam. He usually hates having his picture taken. But he spent several days at Berkeley Family Camp hanging out with his friend, Ben. They've known each other for five years, but during out time at Family Camp, he and Ben really bonded. As we were heading back to our tent cabin, Liam put his arm around Ben, and asked me to take their picture. Wow. That has never happened.

In recent months, Liam has become often sullen, moody, and grumpy. I can barely remember the infant and toddler who almost never stopped smiling and laughing, and just seemed joyous all the time. I'm sure it's natural as he gets older that his emotions become a challenge to balance. But still, he gets so morose at times that it breaks my heart.

Which was why it was so amazing to see him having so much fun at Family Camp. He was constantly asking to go do stuff like fishing, swimming, or going to play with Ben. They made up a game called "Miniature Ping-Pong Golf" which involved building an obstacle course in the dirt and then using the camp's ping pong paddles to knock a ball through it.

In general, we all had a great time at Camp Tuolome, even better than last year. I'm going to post more later in the week, including a slideshow. But I'll just share this one for now. One of the great things about Family Camp are the meals, which are served family style in a dining hall with the camp counselors singing. But here's how you know that you're at Berkeley Family Camp: Dinner the first night was sushi.

Kalian's Musical Taste

2009-07-13T23:48:00.000-07:00

During the morning scramble of drop-offs, I left Liam at his camp and then jumped back in the car with Kalian to drive to her pre-school. I popped in a CD of Bob Dylan's "Good As I Been To You." The first track, "Frankie & Albert" kicked in, and from the back, I heard Kalian giggling.

"Daddy, he's singing funny," Kalian said.

Ooof. Thus I must step up my efforts to indoctrinate my children into my mania for all things Dylan.

Liam and Marriage

2009-07-07T23:30:00.001-07:00

Liam is wonderfully focused on getting married. For about two years, he's been engaged to his friend Naomi, who was born the same day. She seems on board with this plan, at least as much as any six-year-old can be. But more recently, Liam has said he also wants to marry his buddy, Kai, a sweet boy who is his best friend at school. This would allow them to indulge a lifetime of Star Wars role playing.

But now there's a new twist: Liam has announced he wants to marry his sister, Kalian. Hmmm...How to explain? We tried to explain that you can't marry your sister. "But I love her," Liam replied. Um, yes, but then there's the matter of having children.

"But we just wouldn't have children," Liam replied.

Um...No.

What happened to summer?

2009-07-07T23:07:00.001-07:00

I find myself eyeing the calendar, counting the days until after Labor Day. And I feel incredibly guilty about it. This is summer. And instead of lazy days, we find the whirlwind of chaos kicking up several notches. How did this happen? How do I get it to stop?

First off, we are in a whole new world when it comes to our schedules. One of the great things about living in California is that pre-schools are open year-round. That means that up until last year, the kids were in school through early August. And up until two years ago, either Jen and I were home full-time. (Jen here; me in Cambridge). That changed when we got back in the summer of 2007. That fall, Jen started grad school, and we had a whole new life of juggling duel full-time schedules. But we adjusted eventually.

But this is the first summer that Liam doesn't have school. He just finished his first year of Kindergarten at NOCCS. And so we have a patchwork of camps, playdate swapping, and schedule roulette. Jen and I are pulling our hair out, and working like mad. And again, I feel terribly guilty about all of this.

My summers, as a kid, were spent in total leisure. Of course, my mom stayed home full time until I was probably about 8 or 9 (when I became one of those strange new breeds called "Latch Key Kids!"). Still, I remember playing in baseball leagues, going to the local swimming pool every day, and playing tennis. I randomly connected with other kids in the neighborhood to play at each other's houses.

Of course, some of that will get easier when the kids are older and more independent. But right now, I fell bad that we can't just let them chill out, enjoy the weather, throw them into the car and head to the pool. Or, whatever. And the outlook is for more juggling through the rest of the summer. Sigh.

The good news is that tomorrow we get a break when we head to Berkeley Family Camp! We went last year, and had a great time. This time we're meeting some close friends who are already up there. Family Camp is a real throw back, where we eat every meal in a dining hall, there are kids' activities all day, and camp counselors who sing goofy songs during the meals. It's all very 1950s. Probably just what the doctor ordered about now. A few days off the grid. Someone else cooking every meal. And some good friends sharing it.

View Heading to Berkeley Family Camp in a larger map

My Favorite Classic Video Games

2009-07-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

This is cross-posted from my Silicon Beat blog at the Mercury News:

I am no longer an avid video game player. The whole Nintendo, Xbox, Playstation competition has completely passed me by. It was only just this past weekend, while visiting some relatives in Scotts Valley, that I tried the Wii for the first time (bowling, of course, see the end of this post for why that's fitting). I have a feeling that some kind of gaming console will be in my near future because my 6-year-old spent the day playing the Wii with his cousin and he is now obsessed with getting a Wii. ("Daddy, is it too early to write to Santa Claus and ask him to bring me a Wii?")

Here's the little guy in action over the weekend, via Qik:

But I stopped playing video games sometime in the mid-1980s. Which is why this column on the Top 9 Classic Arcade Games on SFGate.com got me so excited. The story is pegged to the the California Extreme Classic Arcade Games Show returns in Santa Clara this weekend. And if I weren't headed out of town already, I'd drop everything and head over there myself.

In the SFGate.com story, three reporters compiled their nine favorite "classic" arcade games. My own defininsion of "classic" stops a lot sooner than theirs (mine is mid-1980s; theirs goes early 90s). But still, these were the games I loved. Once video games started becoming far more complex, and striving for more realism, I stopped playing. I just wasn't as interested. I felt in some way, these simpler games left far more to the imagination, and were more accessible. As games became more complex, I was going to have to invest a lot of quarters just to learn the basics before I could start having fun.

So the SFGate story hit me with plenty of nostalgia. And I agreed with a few of their choices: Tron (1982); Star Wars (1983); Battlezone (1980). But they left a few of my essential games off the list. I purposely avoided reading the comments on the SFGate story, because I wanted to go with the ones that stuck out in my mind from reading the original piece:

Dig Dug (1982): Simple joystick game where you pushed the character through underground tunnels to find monsters that you then stuck an air hose in and inflated until they blew up.

Tempest (1981): The SFGate folks gave this an "honorable" mention. I loved this game. To this day, I still try to find ways to slip the phrase "Superzapper Recharge" into conversation. Seriously.

Donkey Kong Jr. (1982): Of course, Donkey Kong was the iconic game, but I always preferred its younger sibling.

Q*bert (1982): Just hop up and down cubes until you change all the colors. Simple, mindless fun.

Qix (1981): I was always terrible at this game, but that didn't stop me from having a brief, intense obsession with it.

Ms. Pac-Man (1981): There is a laundromat that I pass on the way to the BART station near my house that has one. I still play it sometimes. Sad, I know.

Galaga (1981) This was also an "honorable mention" on SFGate. But it's probably close to my all-time favorite.

Side note: I realize that my choices pretty much all were introduced in 1981-82. So what was going on in my life at that point? Let's see, I was 12 years old as of January 1981, and in the middle of sixth grade. My main activity outside of school was bowling (Hey, I grew up in the mid-west!) and every Saturday I went to a bowling league. And at the bowling alley, of course, there was a video game arcade. Thus, very appropriate that my first Wii game was bowling.

Now, if only I could get them to buy a few of these oldies for the Mercury News cafeteria.

Return To Blogging Here (No, really, this time I mean it!)

2009-07-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

Well, by the looks of my last post, it's been about a year since I posted anything here. I'm working on updating some of the sidebars. But a couple things have pulled me back here.

First, I was in Cambridge last month, which triggered major bouts of nostalgia. It's funny, because when I pick it apart, I have all sorts of mixed feelings about our time there. I loved, and truly miss, the time I got to spend with the kids. But it was difficult in many ways. Liam struggled quite a bit, and Kalian was coming into her own diva-hood. So it's not like I look back at our year there as some kind of Paradise Lost. And yet, when I was there in mid-June for an MIT conference, I was struck by how much I missed the place and so many of the people we met there.

Of course, I was so busy at the conference, I barely had time to leave the three-block area around the hotel and MIT campus. But on Friday afternoon, after the conference ended, I took a cab over to our old neighborhood near Inman Square. I walked past our apartment on Leonard Avenue:

And Darwin's, where I got a memorial Robert's sandwhich. And then around the corner to Cambridge-Ellis, the pre-school Liam attended and which was a huge part of our lives there:

I was a bit misty-eyed, and I still can't explain why. But I really do miss it there.

But when I got back, I started reading through this blog, and I really appreciated all the little details that I had recorded over the year in Cambridge. Things the kids did or said, that seem epic and wonderful at the time, but are usually forgotten days or weeks later. Like how Kalian used to call raisins "ree-ree" when she was first learning to talk. I realized that there are all these things they are doing now that if I don't record them, they'll slip right by to be forgotten forever. Things like Liam's current obsession with setting up his "Maker Faire" store every day after dinner in the driveway to sell his toys and the plums growing in our back yard:

This is one of those childhood things that is wonderful and sweet, and at times a bit worrisome. Liam is constantly wanting to sell or giveaway his toys. Mostly he wants to do it to get money to buy more toys. So it's sweet that he wants to get rid of stuff, and troubling that he's so focused on getting new stuff rather than being content with what he has. But there's been another side benefit: His store has forced us to spend far more time hanging out in the front yard, and so we've been far more social with our neighbors than we typically are. Folks come over, check out the plums, and stay and chat. So the little guy is really building community, a totally unexpected benefit.

So I want to make sure that I keep track of all these little moments of wonder, as well as thinking more about my experiences of parenting. So, fingers crossed, I hope this will again become a regular blogging habit for me.

Finally, I'll end with a little sllideshow I made of our weekend hike to Ano Nuevo State Park. Jen's sister, Cindy, lives near Santa Cruz with her husband Ingemar, and daughter Annika. Older cousin Mikael was visiting from So. Cal where he's starting his fourth year of colllege. Liam and Kalian dearly love their cousins, and after we left, I was thinking this was probably one of our best visits with them ever. Mikael was totally into hanging with Liam, building motorized Lego stuff and playing the Wii. And Annika and Kalian played non-stop princess games (that's a whole 'nother post).

Here's a slideshow I made. I'm still learning iPhoto on the Mac, so this is just a little playing around:

Hanging with the kids on a lazy Saturday

2008-07-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Long time, no blog

2008-07-19T12:41:00.001-07:00

Well, actually I've been blogging lots of other places, mostly related to my professional life. But I've neglected this blog for over a year, as you can see, since we returned from Cambridge to Oakland. But I've been thinking about cranking it back up. And I thought I'd start with an e-mail I recently sent to friends in Cambridge filling them in on our lives since we left last year:

Greetings:

This is how insane our lives have been over the past year since we left Cambridge: I started writing this e-mail back in January. Then I re-started it a couple of times since. And I'm just now finally -- Finally! -- finishing it off. But this seems like a good time to say "Howdy!" and give everyone a brief update on our lives since we returned to Oakland last summer.

It's shocking to me still to think it's been a whole year. Despite only being in Cambridge for one year, there are so many people and places that we really miss. If only I could magically transport Darwin's and the Full Moon Cafe out West...Not to mention all the great folks we met at the Kennedy School, Kids Coop, and Cambridge-Ellis.

So what have we been doing?

Our departure from Cambridge last summer was crazy. Jen graduated, we packed like mad, and then hopped on a plane. There was barely time to catch a breath and say a proper goodbye. But we were excited to get back to see friends in California we hadn't seen in a year. We opted not to visit California during our year in Cambridge, so it had been almost a year since we’d seen our friends back here. Our re-entry was slow, in part because we spent the first couple months trying to decide whether to move into a group home with some dear friends in Berkeley, or whether to stay in our home in Oakland. We spent those first few weeks in our Oakland house, but didn't actually unpack in case we decided to move out again. So there were several weeks of living out our suitcases, and agonizing over what to do.

Eventually, though, we decided to stay in our own place, and finally began to unpack and settle. Of course, then school started.

As many of you may know, Jen was accepted into a PhD program in the sociology department at the University of California at Berkeley. She plans to focus on examining the digital divide. Her program began last August and she just completed her first year (of what I hope is only six years, but tends to average 10 years! Gulp.) But the good news is that she loved the program. She landed a couple of prestigious fellowships in her first year. And she just finished her first year and has a little break during the summer, though not much. Her class is a good group of folks, though I think we might be the only married couple and, of course, the only people with kids in the bunch.

Liam retuned to his old pre-school in Berkeley. He really misses a lot of his friends from Cambridge-Ellis pre-school. He likes to look through his C-E yearbook and still occasionally pulls out his cushion to use as his pillow at night. At the same time, he was very excited to see his old friends at his Berkeley pre-school. We had planned to have him drop in once a week or so after we got back. But he begged to go just about every day last summer, mostly just to see his friends. It’s been a great year for him as he’s re-connected with his school friends, many of whom he’s known since birth. And last summer he learned to ride a bike, which was very exciting. Now he’s getting ready for Kindergarten in a few weeks, which is mind boggling to me. That’s also created new anxiety for us: We won a spot through a lottery in a very good local charter school. So now we’re trying to choose between that and our very good neighborhood school. It’s been three months and we still can’t make up our minds about where to send him!

Kalian really missed her Co-op friends terribly. She was only one when we left Oakland in 2006, and so hadn’t grown attached to other kids back here. She likes to flip through her little Co-op picture book and try to remember all the names of the kids. And she’s having fun in her new pre-school. Having just turned three, she’s embraced all things princess (sigh). And if possible, she’s become more precocious. She’s 3 going on 14. I keep waiting for her to ask to borrow the car. We found a sweet little home-based pre-school for her. And it’s been great to see her make her own set of friends, rather than just being dragged along to hang with her brother’s buddies.

With Jen in grad school, this year marked the first time we’d both been working outside the house full-time. Yes, I know that’s the reality for most folks. But it was still a big shift for us, learning to juggle two work schedules, crazy carpools, and sick days. We survived, but it certainly was a whole new level of stress!

Speaking of stress, I returned to work at The San Jose Mercury News outside the house after a year of being a stay-at-home dad. I was surprised at how little I missed work while I was back east. It was difficult timing, as we just had layoffs right before I got back. We’ve had two more rounds since then. Sadly, the industry I love is crumbling. I’ve managed to hang on so far and just started a new gig as a business columnist, which means I write twice each week about issues related to Silicon Valley, and have my goofy picture in the paper now. My column is here: (http://www.mercurynews.com/chris_obrien/) and my blog is here: (http://blogs.mercurynews.com/obrien).

Just to make life even more insane, I received a grant just before I left Cambridge to research and design the “newsroom of the future” under a program run by the Knight Foundation. So on top of everything else going on in our lives, I was running this project on the side, which is formally called The Next Newsroom Project: (http://www.nextnewsroom.com). That kept me up late almost every night, required a lot of extra travel, and even had me planning a conference. But thankfully, it’s just about over.

With all this craziness, life is finally – Finally! – starting to settle down a bit. We’re looking forward to a couple of nice vacations in August, including several days at Berkeley Family Camp. And we’re trying to just enjoy the chilly, Bay Area summer days and relax a bit before school cranks back up.

Okay, this was not such a short update. But there it is.

Please keep in touch, though I’ve been terrible about it myself. And do let us know if you're ever visiting the West Coast. You'll always have friends here to visit.

All the best,

Chris O'Brien
San Jose Mercury News
Twitter: sjcobrien

Liam's last day of preschool...

2007-06-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

We're in the final countdown. And among the big milestones this week, Liam had his last day at Cambridge-Ellis. Here's an overly long clip of their last circle time at the end of last day.

About that trip to Miami...

2007-05-30T03:58:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons my blogs have occasionally ceased for weeks at a time is because I've been working on a grant proposal for a project since last Fall for The Chronicle, my old student newspaper at Duke University. Though we'd found out the Knight Foundation had selected our proposal several weeks ago, we weren't really allowed to talk about it until they announced the winners last week at an Interactive Media conference in Miami. The Miami Herald did a story about it here.

The project will attempt to design a "newsroom of the future" for The Chronicle through a web site that invites anyone who is interested to collaborate in the process. In addition, as we gather research and make decisions, we'll post everything on the site so that it can a resource for all campus media as they begin to grapple with how to overhaul their own newsrooms.

There's a temporary version of the site that I built here: www.NextNewsroom.com . But let me assure you, we're working with some folks to develop the real site now that we have a bit of money...So please, don't mock mine...

So how did I get into this mess? Well, let me tell you...

Last fall, I took the kids down to Chapel Hill to visit Jen's parents. Over the weekend, I stopped at a Chronicle alumni event where a Duke administrator was giving a presentation on a proposal to build a third campus at Duke. The new campus included plans to create a student media center that would bring The Chronicle, the student TV station, and radio station, under one roof. The Chronicle was nervous because it has a great location on the main campus and was worried that the administration was trying to force it out.

My reaction was quite different. I thought this was an incredible opportunity for the paper: Someone is offering to build a new building from scratch. How many other campus papers would kill for that chance? But more importantly, given all the radical changes going on in the news business, this seemed like an amazing opportunity to create an ambitious plan for the center. At lunch that day, I argued to the Chronicle folks that they should embrace this moment as a fantastic opportunity for the paper.

When I returned to Cambridge, Jen mentioned something about a new Knight Foundation Challenge Grant. She was taking a class with John Carroll, the former LA Times editor, and he had told his students about it. I suggested to The Chronicle that they ought to apply for some planning money. And of course that evolved into me writing the grant application, with substantial assistance from another Chronicle alum, Kath Sullivan. Lo and behold, the Knight Foundation picked us, though we were one of the smaller grants. We get $40,000 for the project. Some guy at the MIT Media Lab is getting $5 million. So, there you go...

But, back to the project. I hope to use this project to reconsider just about every aspect of what The Chronicle does. What should its role be on campus? What should be the relationship to other campus media? How can it prepare journalists for the radical changes that are occurring in the industry? What should it be doing with new media? Should the paper play a role in developing citizen media throughout the campus? Or helping all students develop media literacy as they become producers and not just consumers?

We're not necessarily pushing an answer or an outcome. Rather, we hope to create a process to study these questions that will lead to an ambitious proposal. Among the things I'll be doing over the next year is visiting various newsrooms that have attempted some type of convergence, interviewing lots of experts, and managing what I hope will be a substantial number of alumni volunteers. At the site, we're planning to try using a f interactive features that are in the works, such as a wiki to let folks actually help us write the proposal, a forum for discussion and commentary, and a few other things.

Among the more daunting aspects is that the Knight Foundation attached one condition to our grant: We have to build a version of the proposed newsroom in Second Life, the virtual community. I have no experience with this sort of thing, but I guess I'll have to get some quickly.

Beside the site, we will be holding a conference on the "Newsroom of the Future" next spring at Duke. And next May, we have to deliver an actual proposal to Duke...

Oh, and I'll be doing all this outside my regular full-time job at the Mercury News, where I report for duty on June 9.

So, there it is. I'm probably completely insane. But on the other hand, I'm incredibly excited. The trip to Miami last week was unbelievably thrilling. We met the other grantees for the first time, and they are an incredible group. Oddly enough, I'm the only grantee of the 30 or so who works full-time at a daily newspaper. People were incredibly excited about the Next Newsroom project and kept stopping me, asking for details, and how they could get involved. The folks I've contacted at Duke are also incredibly enthusiastic about the possibilities...

Perhaps the best part of last week, was the support and encouragement among the various grantees. It's a been a grim few years in the world of journalism, especially at the Merc with multiple rounds of buyouts and layoffs and our paper being sold -- twice! -- last year. It was nice to be surrounded by folks last week
who were so optimistic about the future for a change...Whether that outlook is warranted, I guess, we'll have to see...

Kalian turned 2 years old today!

2007-05-28T10:20:00.001-07:00

A week of Lasts and Firsts...

2007-05-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

Monday was officially my last day as a full-time, stay at home dad.

On Tuesday, I flew to Miami for three days, returning on Thursday night. I was there to receive my first grant. More on this in the post below.

Friday was my last shift as a caregiver at Kids Coop Cambridge.

On Friday, Jen also completed her final work as a mid career masters candidate at Harvard's Kennedy School of Governmnent.

Each of these deserve a post unto themselves. But for now, I'll leave it at that.

It's now just two weeks until we return to the Bay Area. Lots to do between now and then. There's all the logistics, of course, packing, arranging, planning. There are a ton of people we want to get together with our here before we leave. And it seems like time is running short.

The First - and probably only - SAHD Podcast

2007-05-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well, after fumbling around for months, I've finally recorded a podcast. And as the title suggests, this may be the one an only as far as stay-at-home dad life goes. Anyway, give a listen and any feedback will be appreciated. Enjoy:

I'll keep this permanently posted in left-hand column, for those of you who just can't get enough.

The New Human Body...

2007-05-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I spent my morning over at a conference at MIT called "Human 2.0" or h2.O. It was hosted by the MIT Media Lab. I had hoped to do more stuff like this while I was out here. But it hasn't worked out that way, and that's fine. Still, I really wanted to check out the Media Lab. I've interviewed lots of folks at the Media Lab over the years, and have always been fascinated by the work over there.

When I called the press office, they invited me to attend this conference, which frankly I didn't know much about. But the two speakers I saw were both fascinating.

The conference looks at how to seamlessly move "technology into our bodies and minds in ways that will truly expand human capability." So what does that mean?

The first speaker I saw was Rosalind Picard who works on "affective computing." This includes things like trying to break down how people express emotions and teaching computers how to interpret that. It was a fascinating speech. But in particular, because it turns out that one of the potential applications was for people with autism. Picard's group is developing wearable computers that help autistic people respond to other people's emotions. It's called an "Emotional Social Intelligence Prosthesis."

I couldn't help but think of Liam during the speech. While he's not autistic, he faces many of the same social challenges. He can't make eye contact with people, which it makes it hard for him to receive all the signals they send and process them. Inevitably with other kids, this means he ends up walking away or getting left behind.

Picard made the analogy of a chess game. There are 20 possible opening moves in a chess game. By the fifth move, there are almost 5 million possible combinations of moves. Compare that to the human face, which can register 44 expressions. In just a simple back and forth, there are already millions of combinations. And rather than having minutes to process like a chess game, a person has milliseconds. If a person takes just a few milliseconds too long to process, like an autistic person, or like Liam, then they get lost very quickly.

I'm not sure if wearable computers are the answer. But it's an interesting emerging field.

The second speaker was Deb Roy who works with the Cognitive Machines group. What does that mean?: "Our goal is to create machines that learn to communicate in human- like ways by grasping the meaning of words in context and to understand how children acquire language through physical and social interaction."

How are they doing that? By trying to understand how kids acquire language. And how is Roy doing that? Well, he just happens to have a son who is just under two years of age. And since the kid was born, Roy and his wife have had video cameras installed in every room of their house and have recorded virtually every moment of their son's life. Now they are trying to analyze the millions of hours of digital video to better understand the mechanics of language acquisition. He calls it the "Human Speechome Project."
At the conference, Roy showed video collages of every time his son said "ball" over the course of a year. It was both sweet, and a bit disturbing. I wonder how it will affect that kids when he's older?

What I'll Miss...What I Won't Miss...

2007-05-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's what I'll miss, and what I won't miss about life out here:

What I'll miss:

1. Darwin's. Our favorite cafe, conveniently located around the corner from Liam's preschool.
2. Full Moon Cafe. Remember that kid-friendly restaurant with a play area for kids, and kick-ass kinda-gourmet food that you have fantasized about? They have one here. I want to eat there every day.
3. The Museum Of Science.
4. The renovated Children's Museum. It rocks!
5. Boston Commons. Frog pond.
6. Summer. Heat. Not wearing a sweater on the 4th of July.
7. Having extended family nearby.
8. Candlepin bowling.
9. Cambridge-Ellis (Liam's preschool).
10. Coop! Kalian just learned how to say it ("Tow-op.")

What I won't miss:

1. Cash only. A shocking number of places out here only take cash. Really. No ATM or credit cards. It's Darwin's only flaw.
2. Pumping gas. For some reason, the gas pumps don't have that hook on the nozzle that lets you squeeze it, and then lock it. Instead, you have to squeeze and hold the nozzle the entire time you're pumping. Yes, I'm spoiled. But I like my conveniences!
3. The Drivers. They've invented their own system of driving out here, and it involves a lot of horn honking. I fantasize about carrying a club in the car now. It's a sickness.
4. The Boston Globe. We live in Cambridge, and they can never deliver the paper before 7:30 a.m. And they wonder why they're dying?
5. The T. Not kid friendly. Not stroller friendly.
6. Our apartment. Great location. But no yard. Not very big. We've had ants. We've had mice. Ick.
7. The desperate hour between 5 p.m. and 6 p.m. when Liam and Kalian draw swords and attemtpt to simultaneously kill each other, destroy apartment, and unleash the apocalypse.

I need a raise...

2007-05-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

As part of a mother's day promotion, Salary.com has posted a salary calculator for stay-at-home moms. Of course, on some level, this is nonsense, right? Still, I couldn't resist working my through their data:

Based on a survey of more than 40,000 mothers, Salary.com determined that the time mothers spend performing 10 typical job functions would equate to an annual salary of $138,095 for a stay-at-home mom.

So how do they break down those job functions?

The job titles that best matched a mom's definition of her work are (in order of hours spent per week): housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist.

Even better, there was a wizard that allows you to adjust the salary based on location. So based on that, in theory, when Jen was a stay-at-home mom with 2 preschool kids in Oakland, her salary would have been: $161,557.

Of course, I was a bit miffed that the focus was exclusively on moms. Then I noticed a small link at the bottom that said, "What about dad?" When I clicked, it took me to an equivalent calculator for dads. My salary as a SAHD in Cambridge: $144,081. Hmmm. I wonder if I could use that to haggle for a whopping raise when I return to work next month? Probably not.

In any case, the other interesting thing to note is the difference in the ways they break down the task for a mom versus a dad. For instance, the Salary.com wizard lists "housekeeper" as a mom's top ask at 18.9 hours per week. Dad's top task is "day care center teacher" at 17 hours per week. The calculator assumes a dad spends half as much time doing laundry, but more time cooking. A mom spends 5.8 hours per week being a psychologist, but a dad only spends 2.3 hours. On the other hand, dads apparently spend 2.3 hours as a groundskeeper, while mom spends none.

To see what you're stay-at-home value is, check out the calculator here.

T-Ball...

2007-05-05T11:59:00.001-07:00

I took Liam (and Kalian) to a Cambridge T-Ball class this morning. Liam had a ball, and two of his classmates from his pre-school were there, Reed and Sammy:

Slideshow

2007-05-04T16:59:00.000-07:00

Going to Boston?

2007-05-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

So, there's some band named Augustana which has a song that's a hit, at least out here. It's all about leaving life in California and going to...Boston. Uh, what?

Let us hear from these poets:

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah

Tired of the weather? Nice in the summer? Some snow would be nice? Yes, some snow would have been nice. However, this past winter, I think we got snow four times, and it was either ice or slush. And in either case, it was mostly a nuisance.

Other notable tracks on their lastest album: "California's Burning."

I love this guy...

2007-05-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a little bit of research to reflect back on my year as a stay-at-home dad. And in the process, I came across this little treasure. It's a great Washington Post video project called "onBeing." And in this segment, we meet Jeffrey, a SAHD, and his son, Beckham:

http://specials.washingtonpost.com/onbeing/#041707-1v-JeffreyB.1

I don't think we're cursed, but...

2007-04-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

Last year, just before we set off for our Cambridge adventure, a section of Boston's "Big Dig" collapsed and killed a woman. The tunnel was closed for months causing traffic nightmares, especially if you wanted to go to the airport...

Now, here we are in April, about to head back to the Bay Area. And we see in the news that a gasoline truck has exploded on one of the major interchanges, collapsing part of the highway. Traffic nightmares are expected for months to come.

Coincidence?

Going to Carolina...

2007-04-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

Last week, I made a whirlwind trip down to North Carolina. Normally, it's the kind of travel that I hate, and I'm glad I don't have the kind of job or life that involves constant business travel. But, of course, after 10 months with Thing One and Thing Two, sitting in the airport for four hours feels like liberation.

On Thursday, I picked up Jen from her class at MIT, and then walked to a nearby T station to get to the airport. I was three hours early for my flight. But no matter, I sat at the gate, reading the paper and listening to my iPod. Weeeee! I arrived at Raleigh around midnight, picked up a rental car and drove to Jen's parents house in Chapel Hill.

In the morning, I had a bunch of appointments at Duke for a project I'm working on for The Chronicle, the student newspaper. (More on this later). It was a glorious North Carolina day. The kind of mild spring day, when the sun is shining, and everything is just blooming, that makes me miss that area terribly.

I was back at the airport at 4 p.m., back on a plane, and back home just before midnight. Within about 30 seconds of walking in the door, Kalian was awake, screaming. I dropped my backpack, laid down in bed with her, and fell asleep. Back to my real job, as it were.

Go West, young man...?

2007-04-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

Recently overheard in our car:

Liam: "Kalian, do you want to go back to Oakland?"

Kalian: "Yeah."

Liam: "Well, Kalian, we are never going back to Oakland. We have to stay in Cabridge. Okay?"

Kalian: "Otay."

Me: "Liam, are you trying to say that you're going to miss Cambridge?"

Liam: "Yeah."

Me: "What are you going to miss about Cambridge?"

Liam: "Nothing."

Me: "Are you excited to go back to Oakland?"

Liam: "Well...I don't know."

Meet the band....

2007-04-16T05:04:00.000-07:00

Coming soon, to a Bay Area venue near you, the musical stylings of Liam and Kalian. Hit it:

Liam sings: Willy Was A Whale

2007-04-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

Here's Liam singing his favorite Justin Roberts tune: Willy Was A Whale. He's getting close to mastering the whole thing. When I was showing him how the microphone on the computer worked, he just picked it up and started singing. He's pretty proud of himself.

One word of warning: This is the extended long-play Puff Daddy mix of this song. In other words, it goes on for awhile, so you may not make it all the way through. Still, here it is:

Fun phrases that Kalian has learned...

2007-04-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

Kalian has become quite the chatter box these days. Just to make it more fun, Liam has taught her all sorts of delightful phrases. Here's some of my favorites:

"Go away, daddy!"
"I want milk...RIGHT NOW!"
"Yeah, we shoot."

And just added today:

"Stupid, daddy. Stupid, Bubba."

Only 16 more years until college...

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

2007-04-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

Last month, Jen had her spring break. And we actually managed to take a trip. This is a bit dated, now. But I'm still clearing out a backlog of my half-composed posts. I've been busy with work-related (read: non-kid related) stuff. But more on that in another post.

For now, I'll just say we had a great time. We hopped in the car on a Tuesday, not sure exactly where we were headed. In that sense, it was much like our other New England trip, last August, to Vermont. Only this time, we were headed in the opposite direction, toward Rhode Island.

Initially, we thought to go to Mystic, sort of near the Connecticut/Rhode Island border. But we got a late start, and somewhat randomly decided on Newport. I had wanted to go there last fall, but never go around to it. And so there we were, headed to Newport, with no idea what exactly was there, or where we would stay. And somehow, again, it all worked out.

The drive was just over an hour, and after circling around town, we found an open room at the Jailhouse Inn, which as the name implies, was a former jail. Newport is a boating-beach-richie-rich sort of town. So going in late March was officially off season. That meant we got the room, which was a suite, for $60 per night. Normally, the same room would be $300 per night, post Memorial Day. Woo-hoo!

We stayed about three days and mostly did walks around town, found more great eating bargains. It seemed the locals were quite happy to have anyone in town during this time of year, even poverty stricken grad student types such ourselves. Newport had plenty of colonial history for us to wander around. And during the turn of the 20th century, it was apparently the hotspot for the Guilded Age set to build ostentatious castles. There's a spectacular walk along a cliff that takes you past the former residents of the Astors, Vanderbilts, etc.

Here's one of their little love shacks, known as "The Breakers":

Yowza.

Anyway, we had long walks along the water front. More cheap eats. And just a fun, relaxing time away from the madness. I wish we had time for more exploration. There's so much more I'd love to see up here. We haven't even touched Maine, New Hampshire...Ah, well. So much of our focus is no one returning to the Bay Area. That's already feeling epic enough...

Well, we definitely need the money...

2007-04-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

After our income-free year in Cambridge, we'll have a nice debt to welcome us when we get back to Oakland. How should we pay it off? The answer may lie in this item posted to the Boston Burning Man listserv:

Hey there folks.

So I am friends with the producer/casting director for a tv series called "Wife Swap" and they are sick and tired of little cookie-cutter suburbanite families. They are looking for a "circus-esque family" that is quirky, extreme, creative, and/or different. They are looking for a family with flair and style. If your family is selected you will be paid $20,000 for doing the show which is an 11 day commitment, 6 of those days which you are seperated from your spouse. The rules are this *must be a Mom and Dad. They dont need to be married but they do need to live together *There must be at least one child between the ages 5-18 but they would love for there to be more than one child

I thought this could be an interesting and prosperous gig for the right folks. If you fit these parameters and are interested in more information please contact me and I will send along the information.

If only Liam were a few months older. Oh, well....

Brush with greatness...

2007-04-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

Well, not exactly. But one recent dinner companion has had a moment in the spotlight.

We've finally come out of our shell and been more social in recent weeks. Something that's been tough to do out here given our schedules. But we've had some wonderful dinners in recent weeks, including a nice visit with Tim and Sarah, parents of one of Liam's classmates.

Another weekend, Jen brought over a guy from her MIT class and his wife. Sam, it turns out, specializes in studying...professional wrestling. He's a very interesting guy, actually, and we had a great time with both of them. Then, just a couple weeks later, Sam was featured in this story in The Boston Globe. Here's a taste:

Such discussions are a normal part of the newest full-credit course offering in MIT's Comparative Media Studies program: "American Pro Wrestling." The class explores the history of an American institution that brings athleticism, theatrical performance, and choreographed stunt work together in a square, roped-off ring. During the semester, students watch dozens upon dozens of wrestling matches, from 1980s clashes between Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho Man" Savage to modern-day battles on "Monday Night Raw." Students examine how technology has transformed wrestling into a multimedia business, and how the styles and storytelling methods have changed over the years. The required reading on the syllabus includes colorful titles such as "Steel Chair to the Head" and "Sex, Lies, and Headlocks."

This quirky addition to the MIT course catalog was the brainchild of grad student Sam Ford, who designed and teaches the curriculum. The class has created buzz on the campus and beyond. One blogger called it "The Undisputed End of Higher Education." Ford said a radio station in California called the class "a sign of the apocalypse."

Why study wrestling? Ford hopes students "use the class to learn more about how to critically analyze, discuss, and write about the popular culture they consume." And he's not the only one who sees the academic value of it.

Read the full story here.

We'll be back...

2007-04-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Though there was never much doubt...As I mentioned in my email the other day...Yes, we're coming back to Oakland.

If folks haven't heard, Jen has been accepted into the University of California at Berkeley in the Sociology Department where she'll be a PhD candidate for the next 50 years or so. I am scheduled to return to the Mercury News in June, assuming it hasn't been sold yet again in my absence.

In fact, last night, we even booked our tickets...Our scheduled arrival is June 9. Prepare the parade.

When we return, you'll a chance to meet this short-haired weirdo:

Whoever he is...

Kalian's special brother...

2007-04-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

Back in February, there was a fascinating piece published in the New York Times Magazine, "Her Autistic Brothers," by Olsson.

It's worth reading. In a nutshell, the piece looks at a teenage girl who has two slightly older twin brothers, who are autistic. It uses her as a case study to look at some recent research that shows that rather being a detriment, having siblings who are "special needs" can in some cases cause their brothers and sisters to become "supersiblings." That is, they become more advanced emotionally and developmentally.

The piece struck a chord. While it's too early to tell whether this is true of Kalian, it's been interesting to watch her rapid development, and how that may affect her relationship with Liam. Although she is only 21.5 months, she has mastered some things that Liam still struggles with, like holding a crayon with a tripod grasp, or her balance, which is phenomenal. We always try to avoid comparing, but can't help it sometimes. They both learned how to put on their jackets about the same time this year(the classic dip-and-flip).

Liam doesn't seem aware of this, or to resent it. Still, it can be difficult to watch at times. A couple days ago, I had to take Liam for a physical therapy evaluation at Cambridge Schools, to see if he qualifies for physical therapy. His skills were apparently all over the map (ie, throws a ball fine, can jump okay, can't stand on one leg, has trouble walking up stairs). Kalian was there, and of course, stood right up one leg while watching her brother try - and fail - to do that same.

At home, Kalian has slowly taken the dominant role in their relationship. They play together a lot more. But she'll instigate things like trying to provoke Liam by hitting him and then running away, looking over her shoulder to see if he's chasing her and giggling. And she constantly gets Liam in trouble by doing things like throwing her food, or dropping her cup, which makes Liam laugh and which he then imitates.

Perhaps the sweetest element of their relationship at the moment, though, is that they've started sleeping together in the same bed. Kalian has simply abandoned her crib, now that she can escape. She demands to sleep in her brother's bed ("I wan Bubba's bed"...Yes, she calls him "Bubba.")

Dad's day off...

2007-03-25T18:59:00.003-07:00

Jen is on spring break this week. So as a bonus, I got a "day off." It's a Sunday, and after she got back from yoga, I took off. I was officially free for the day. Of course, it was quite chilly. But a I grabbed a backpack, my iPod, newspapers, books, and trekked on down to the T. I headed into the city, just wandering a bit, unencumbered. If that sounds less than exciting, let me assure you, it wasn't. Except for attending a journalism conference back in November, I hadn't really just experienced the city by myself very much. So this was liberating, wandering around Boston Commons, Copley Square, Quincy Market.

Near Boston Commons, I ducked into a movie theater, simply because I could. I saw "The Host," an excellent South Korean monster movie. Outstanding, really. After that, I toured some more, making my way to the North End, the Italian district. I stopped for an espresso, and then picked up some canolis to take home. I stopped in the old North Church (where Paul Revere got the infamous signal...)

But the funny thing was, all this alone time gave me time to think about how my time with the kids is coming to an end. As dinnertime neared, I knew I had permission to stay out as late as I wanted. But I decided to head home, because I missed the critters and Jen, of course. It was a surprise to me. Okay, maybe I'm just a masochist. But I know I'm going to miss spending all this time with them when we're back in Oakland. And so I got back for dinner and bedtime, glad to see them, and glad for day off.

Dan Zanes...

2007-03-25T18:59:00.001-07:00

We had a fabulous time at our first Dan Zanes concert today. We went with a big group of folks, 20 including us. Somehow, I had gotten it into my head to turn this into a big production. Given the general craziness of our lives, I probably should have just bought us a few tickets and been done with it.

Still, I had originally thought that it would make a good outing for the kids in Liam's preschool. But it sort of morphed into something else. There was us, and two other Blue Room Families. Then there was a friend from Coop, our friends Anita and George, Bay Area transplants, Debbie, another SF refugee. In all, a diverse group, and lots of fun.

Our seats weren't stellar, but the kids were still into it. Here's a bad video clip, via my camera:

CODEBASE="http://www.apple.com/qtactivex/qtplugin.cab">

Father and sons...

2007-03-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

By coincidence, I just read two consecutive books exploring relationships between father and sons.

The first was "Lay of the Land," by Richard Ford. This is the latest in Ford's epic "Frank Bascombe" trilogy. While the first two are among my favorite books, you don't need to have read them to appreciate this one. In any case, in this latest installment, our hero is 57, and gearing up to host a Thanksgiving weekend that will include a visit from his son, who is in his late 20s. While his son makes a decent living writing for a greeting card company in Kansas City, Frank, who lives on the Jersey shore, can't escape his disappointment over the way his son has turned out. It's not that the son is a failure, in any measurable way. Rather, for Bascombe, it's the small things, like his son's mullet, or that he lives in in the Midwest (gasp!), or that his worldview is considerably different. Despite good intentions, both father and son can't seem to connect, or understand each other. In the previous book, the son was a teenager with growing troubles in school and life which Frank tried -- and failed -- to repair.

The second book was "Gilead," by Marilynne Robinson. This was our latest book club pick. It's a slim, slow read. The father in this case is an Iowa pastor who got married and had a son in his late 60s. It's now the 1950s, and having just found out he doesn't have long to live, the father is writing a long letter to his young son, telling him all the things he will never have a chance to say when the boy is old enough to understand them. It's a subtle book that sneaks up you at the end.

I really enjoyed both, on their own terms. Of course, it's hard not to read them and not have the vague anxiety that all parents probably have at one point or another about how their kids will turn out, and how much you can even influence that. Will Liam be able to make friends? Will Kalian mellow out? Will Liam be a trenchcoat wearing, skateboarding, smoking-behind-the-school kid? Will Kalian continue along the path to becoming a girlie girl?

I guess the real question is this: Will I be able accept them for what they become, and not measure them against some ideal I had in mind for them? I hope so.

The Wisdom of Liam

2007-03-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

The other day, I got a bit frustrated with Liam for spilling something. Frankly, I can't even remember exactly what it was. But I let loose with the "F-word" and immediately regretted it.

Liam then stuck his hands in pants and got a sad look on his face.

"Liam, are you sticking your hands in your pants because you're upset with me?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. And then: "Daddy, don't say f--k. Next time, just say, 'Liam, please don't do that.' Okay?"

Yes, buddy. Lesson learned.

Hair Today, part 2...

2007-03-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

Speaking of hair (see Kalian's below), I had a radical makeover today. I got the SuperCuts special. And I shaved the Grizzly Adams beard that had sprouted. So I look 15 years old now. Jen is shell shocked. I'm sure my mom will be tickled. Kalian ran away from me when I picked her up at Coop today. Liam's friends ran over to check it out when I got him at preschool.

Noted one of the kids: "Hey, you're not going to be able to do a ponytail anymore."

True.

Liam's vision...

2007-03-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

As were eating tonight, Liam announced:

"I have something fun I want to tell you guys. After dinner, I want to build a truck that blows up cars and houses and makes ice cream."

Kid Logic

2007-03-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

I've recently become obsessed with listening to "This American Life." I know I'm the last person on the planet to discover the show. But I mention it because the show last week was on "Kid Logic." It's an amusing and interesting look at how kids experience the world.

I've posted a link to the show to the right if you want to give a listen.

One commentator noted that little kids are like scientists, constantly conducting experiments on objects and people around them. I'm going to have to keep that in mind next time Kalian is chucking her bowl of food on the floor.

Hair today...

2007-03-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

Apropos of nothing, we've been talking a lot about Kalian's hair. We have now dubbed it, the "Rod Stewart Hair." It may look like she just woke up. She didn't. This is just what it's like. It's growing in 50 different directions quite naturally, thank you.

Hey, Huckleberry...

2007-03-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

Great parenting moment tonight. I was putting Liam to bed. His usual routine is that I offer to read him three books. He insists on four. I give in. But tonight, he noticed one of Jen's books sitting on the night stand: "Huckleberry Finn." He picked it up and asked me what it was. There were some rought sketches every few pages to hold his attention. I asked him if he wanted me to read it, and he said, "Yes."

So we lay back on the bed, and read the first two chapters of Huckleberry Finn. Liam seemed to follow along fine and understand a good bit of it. Though it was tricky explaining Jim's relationship. But Liam totally understood that Huck didn't like to follow the rules, and so he snuck out in the middle of the night to meet his buddy, Tom Sawyer.

Hopefully that didn't give him any ideas....

Monday, Monday...

2007-03-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

Jen elbowed me in the ribs.

"Can you take Kalian to go pee?"

It was 6:45 a.m. A good morning. This is about as late as we can hope she sleeps. I rolled over, and Kalian was peeking over her mother's shoulder. I slid past Liam, who had crawled into our bed sometime in the middle of the night.

"Pee-pee?" I asked Kalian. She replied, "Yeah!" I walked to the bathroom and she followed, pulling down her PJs and sitting right down on her potty. I was slowly waking up. Kalian, did her pee, then reached down, lifted the basin out of her potty, dumped it in the big toilet, and then replaced it. After washing hands, we headed to the kitchen.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I said.

"Ree-ree."

"Raisins?"

"Yeah!" and then "Bo--" as she pointed to the bowls.

I complied. I made coffee. I ate. I catered to her whims ("Mo' wa-wa.")

This is the rush morning. We have to be out of the house by 7:30 a.m. to get Liam to his occupational therapy appointment at 8 a.m. across town. I make lunch for him. I get her diaper bag ready. I change a shirt, brush my teeth, in a half-hearted nod to personal hygiene. I gather some food Liam can eat in the car. He's still sleeping and it's 7:20 a.m. I lift him up, now he's screaming. I change his clothes, brush his teeth, and carry him down to the car. It's 7:30 a.m.

Liam, Kalian and I fly through the Cambridge traffic. I'm driving and handing them bananas and rice cakes with almond butter at the same time. We get to the school early for a change, and head down the therapy room, where we find Tina, Liam's occupational therapist. For the next 45 minutes, Liam runs through a variety of tasks to build his coordination and planning skills. He swings from a harness while picking up stuffed frogs; he pulls putty apart to dig out little plastic animals, and he paints a mural by dipping a toilet plunger in some paint.

Then we're back in the car, scrambling back across town to his preschool. We arrive at 9:10 a.m. I park and we escort Liam to his room (the Blue Room), which is already packed with kids. This is an overwhelming time for Liam, and he wanders from group to group, trying to figure out who is doing what, before finally settling in. We hug, and then say goodbyes.

On our way out, we bump into one of the other Blue Room moms, Julie. She invites Kalian and I to join her for coffee around the corner at Darwin's, our favorite cafe. Julie's son is about Kalian's age (21 months!). We make stabs at adult conversation in between subduing the kiddies. And then we have to go, across town again, to Trader Joe's. It's 10:00 a.m.

I plow through the aisles, grabbing food, stuffing snacks into Kalian's mouth. We check out, and drive home where we unpack the groceries. It's 11:15 a.m. We play for a bit, then eat some lunch. Then it's back into the car to pick up Liam at preschool.

A new feature of our Monday is Sports Class at the Little Gym in Woburn. The Little Gym is a local chain of gymnastic studios. We signed up Liam for a "sports class" which is a mix of gymnastics and learning basic sport skills. The current focus is hockey. Liam loves it. He's enthusiastic, coordinated, focused, and follows direction during the hour-long class. In other words, he becomes a kid I hardly recognize, but in a good way.

Only drawback: The class is in Woburn, a 30 minute drive north. We're in the car. Again. I'm handing food back over the seats as we work our way to the highway and then up to Woburn. But once we're there, Liam is bubbling with excitement.

CODEBASE="http://www.apple.com/qtactivex/qtplugin.cab">

The class is over and Liam is still bursting. I coral him and we get back into the car to drive home. We arrive, ramble up the steps and sit down for a snack. It's 3:30 p.m. We play. Liam wants to build a car wash and begins furiously cutting some paper which we tape to a box. We also play some music, which Liam is rediscovering. Kalian is coloring. Then it's time to make dinner.

Jen's schedule is even crazier this semester. She doesn't get home until 6:30 p.m. on Mondays. So the three of us eat. Fish sticks. My ambition was once to prepare an elaborate, well balanced, home cooked meal every night. That lasted a few weeks last summer but was abandoned by Fall. The bar for meals continues to drop. After eating, I do the dishes while the kids run around.

Jen arrives at 6:30 p.m. I am already putting on my coat and packing a backpack for the gym. Monday nights I've been taking a Scottish fiddling class. I haven't played the violin much since high school. But the class has been great. It's taught by an oustanding local fiddle player named Hanneke Cassel. The class is a blast, though my playing is woeful. Judge for yourself. Here's me practicing a tune we're learning, "Stella's Trip To Cam Loops":

After class, I rush to the T which I take to the gym for a quick workout until the gym closes at 10 p.m. I take the T back, and then walk home. It's just starting to snow. I arrive home and Jen says she's feeling horrible. She asks me to go out and get her some heartburn medicine. I drop my stuff, get back in the car, and drive slowly to the pharmacy through the snow which is really coming down now. I get home with the medicine. It's 10:45 p.m. Jen is getting worse and has the beginning of the flu, which later causes her to cancel a trip later in the week to Berkeley.

We go to bed at 11:15 p.m. Jen is feeling awful. It's going to be a long night.

We've come a long way...

2007-03-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

Two weeks and no blog. Yet the news is mostly good. We survived the Massachusetts winter break. Schools here close twice during this semester for a week. I felt tremendous anxiety leading up to this first break. I kept having acid flashbacks to last summer, when both kids were home every day, clawing each other's eyes out. No preschool for Liam. No Coop for Kalian. Egads.

In fact, the week was quite pleasant. More than that, it was a lot of fun. And when it wound down, I realized just how far we've all come since last summer.

The biggest and most obvious changes are in Liam and Kalian. Besides being six months older, their relationship has changed dramatically. It might be too much to call them buddies, but they play together quite a bit, cracking each other up, talking to each other. Kalian has taken on the role of troublemaker, inducing her older brother into trouble by throwing food, standing on her chair, and causing mayhem. Occasionally, the fun turns into naked aggression. But not so much.

That meant that during the off week, I didn't wake up with stomach-churning stress trying to figure out an activity, or a trip, or something to soothe the savage beasts. Instead, we spent several mornings, the three of us, just leisurely hanging out in the apartment and playing.

For the most part, this was made possible by some dramatic changes in Liam, and mostly for the better. The little guy has really blossomed in the last few weeks. If you read my posts from last fall, when we were so worried about his development and stuttering, it would have been hard to imagine. But his language and speech have improved dramatically. He has become far more coordinated. But most interesting, his range of interests have radically expanded.

While he still likes trucks, legos, and trains, he's far more interested in imaginative play, and doing art projects. A few weeks ago, he was barely interested in picking up a crayon. Now he hatches these elaborate schemes for creating things and plunges right in. It seems every time I turn around, he's picking up some scissors, or string, or tape, or crayons, to make some project. One day, after reading a Curious George book where he goes fishing, Liam wanted to act out most of the book, including making a fishing pole from a mop and a hook in the kitchen.

After attending a recent Chinese New Year parade in Boston, we came home and Liam wanted to make a lion out of a box and a blanket so he, Kalian and I, could parade around the house all afternoon. Liam helped tape up the box, paint it, cut out eyes from paper, and tape them on.

Beyond the kids themselves, our social scene has begun to feel more expansive. During the week off, we hosted two of Kalian's friends from Coop, Maya and Alex. Another friend, Charlotte, came and played one afternoon. The next morning, a little girl from preschool that Liam adores, Katharine, came over to play. The two of them sat at our craft table for an hour just pasting and taping stuff together.

On the social front, things have been feeling more casual, and easier. Strange, of course, to think we'll be leaving in three months, just as we are feeling more embraced.

We even had a friend visit from New York, Alayna, who took the bus up here and stayed over the President's Day Weekend. It was great to see her, and selfishly, I'm always happy to have someone help the kids. She was even gracious enough to babysit one night so Jen and I could see a movie. ("The Lives of Others." Great, even though I fell asleep for 20 minutes in the middle.)

By the end of the week, I was definitely ready for a break. But for the most part, it was a wonderful time. And as we begin to think about returning to Oakland, it even makes me a little sad to think that I won't have many more months to experience these kind of extended moments.

Chinese New Year

2007-02-20T04:56:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, Liam's classroom, dubbed the "Blue Room", staged its annual Chinese New Year celebration. The celebration was part of the weekly assembly at Cambridge-Ellis preschool, where all the rooms take turns singing a song for everyone.

But this week, the Blue Room was the main event. They had been practicing their Dragon Dance for a couple weeks. Marissa, the main teacher, led the group while holding the "Pearl of Fire." The Dragon (whose head was worn by Jermaine, another BR teacher) was supposed to be trying to chase the Pearl of Fire. And Liam was pretty excited about this. At the dragon's tail is Saba, the other BR teacher.

Jen and I and Kalian all managed to make it this week to see how young master Liam and his comrades would do. See for yourself:

type="application/x-mplayer2"
pluginspage="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/MediaPlayer/"

A day in the life...of me

2007-02-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

My day today:

Woke up close to 7 a.m. A miracle that Kalian let us sleep so late. Checked outside for Boston Globe, the newspaper with the worst delivery service ever. As usual, it's not there. Hmmm, wonder why it's a dying industry?

Eat breakfast. Make lunch for Liam, who will be at preschool until 3 p.m. The kids refuse to let me dress them now. A major power play on their part. I get everything else ready while Jen tends to them. We wait impatiently while Liam decides which "home toy" to bring to school.

We load into the car. I drop Jen and Liam at Cambridge-Ellis, which is just a few blocks away. But heck, it's freezing out.

I drive across town to the Coop, where I'll drop Kalian for the morning. She rushes right in. I say a few hellos, and then run like hell. Back into the car, just past 9 a.m. and back home. Make some coffee. And then sit down to do some work. I'm applying to a multimedia training seminar at Berkeley in March, so I spend most of the morning writing the various essays required. In between, I return a couple dozen emails.

It's 11 a.m., and I decide to unplug. I pull out my fiddle and practice. I've been taking a Scottish fiddle class at a local folk club on Monday nights. Teacher is excellent, though my skills are weak. I'm relearning after not playing much for 18 years. Unfortunately, the kids shriek in horror if I play while they're at home. And it wakes them up when they're sleeping. So I have to do this during my "alone time."

Then back in the car to pick up Kalian at noon. We stop by Whole Foods to pick up stuff I need to make quiche for a breakfast at Liam's preschool tomorrow. We have lunch, and then I put her down for a nap at 1:30 p.m. I jump back on the computer to answer a bunch of emails, make a few phone calls about preschools for Kalian. And then it's time to pick up Liam.

I pull Kalian out of the crib, still asleep, put her in the car, and drive down the street. We hop out and find Liam on the playground. His class is studying Chinese New Year, and they watched a video about a Chinese dragon. Liam can't stop talking about it as we get back into the car. We drive back across town to pick up Jen who is taking a class at MIT this semester.

We're home just in time for me to make a scheduled phone call to the business manager of the student paper at Duke University. This is where I first got into newspapers. And for the past few months, I've been working on a grant proposal for them to get some money for a new newsroom. We've made it through several rounds, but the donor wants some more info, so we have to chat about that a bit.

Then I have to make a quick call to another preschool for Kalian. And presto, dinner is ready! Jen had made stir fry. After we're done, I attempt to begin making the quiche. I'm making four for Valentine's Day breakfast tomorrow. Am I nuts? Probably. Ham and cheese (2). Tomato and goat cheese. Broccoli. But I don't get too far before I stop to help Liam, whose Lego helicopter breaks every 30 seconds.

Next thing I know, Liam is trying to poop on the potty (yes!), but he's asking for more poop toys (uh-oh). We're running out. So somehow he gets out his erector set, and I get sucked into building him another helicopter. No poop today (darn). But I've built another helicopter. Jen takes Liam to bed, and I'm back to making quiche.

I pop those into the oven at 9 p.m. And then I start cleaning the kitchen, then the living room (Exciting new development in my life: We bought a dustbuster!), then I do some laundry.

What's next? I'm back at the computer. It's after 10 p.m. I need to start working on my weekly column for the Mercury News (http://insiderstocksales.blogspot.com/). Except I'm too distracted. And I need to edit two papers for Jen. So, of course, I prograstinate in that most modern of ways: By blogging.

Let it snow...

2007-02-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

We are on the cusp of our first major snow storm. Maybe. There have been a couple false alarms. So I'll believe it when I see it tomorrow morning.

How little snow has there been this year? From today's Boston Globe:

The tide may be turning, though, with the region expected to get its first real snowstorm after midnight tomorrow , expected to mix with rain by daytime. Still, Boston has received 21 fewer inches of snow than a normal year, with about 2 inches of recorded snow so far this winter, according to the National Weather Service station in Taunton.

To quote that great philosopher George Bush: "Bring it on!"

Poop!

2007-02-11T19:42:00.000-08:00

Today we experienced an earth-shattering event. Liam pooped in the potty for the first time. This moment has been a long-time coming. After years of gentle persuasion, we have shifted in recent months to desperate measures, and stooped to a number of strategies we vowed to never employ. Attempts to bribe him have included offers of every treat imaginable. But nothing has ever swayed him.

Then Jen cribbed an idea she'd heard about. We went to the local toy store and told Liam he could pick out anything. Anything! But that he could only play with it after he'd pooped in the potty. Fortunately, Liam picked out a Lego rescue helicopter (rather than some $200 scooter). We took it home on Sunday and put it on a mantle. He stared at it all day, wandered in and out of the bathroom, kept asking for it, wandered back to the potty to try again.

I think he must have sat on the potty for several hours off and on when it was all over. But it happened. He's had some serious emotional issues around this. And I'm so proud of him today. Even if our actions will probably get us a write up on ShamefulParenting.com. And it was great to see him so obviously proud of himself.

After the BIG EVENT, I spent an hour assembling the helicopter. Liam simply calls it his Poop Toy. Whatever. Good for him.

Speaking of princess...

2007-02-10T19:55:00.000-08:00

Look what's coming to town:

Where do I get tickets?

Princess

2007-02-06T04:49:00.000-08:00

Last week, Jen passed along a fascinating piece from Berkeley writer Peggy Orenstein, called, "What's Wrong With Cinderella?" For anyone raising a girl, it's worth checking out here (NY Times registration required, I think. If you can't get in, ask me to email you a copy).

Basically, Orenstein is sounding the alarm over the growing princess trend that's being pushed by marketing agencies onto little girls. There's a lot to think about here. She writes:

Diana may be dead and Masako disgraced, but here in America, we are in the midst of a royal moment. To call princesses a ''trend'' among girls is like calling Harry Potter a book. Sales at Disney Consumer Products, which started the craze six years ago by packaging nine of its female characters under one royal rubric, have shot up to $3 billion, globally, this year, from $300 million in 2001. There are now more than 25,000 Disney Princess items. ''Princess,'' as some Disney execs call it, is not only the fastest-growing brand the company has ever created; they say it is on its way to becoming the largest girls' franchise on the planet.

We've been grappling with gender issues since both kids started in school/daycare last fall. As I've mentioned, Kalian has become a willful little girl. We often catch ourselves calling her "princess" and yet trying to stop ourselves from doing it. Even more, since she's been walking last summer, she's become drawn to so many "girl" things. She's picky about her clothes, shoes, jacket, etc. She's obsessed with her baby dolls.

At the same time, the group of kids in Liam's preschool room tend to be very gender segregated. It's not unusual to walk in and see all the boys in one corner and the girls somewhere else. Lots of people tell us this is typical for the age, but still...It carries on outside the classroom, especially at events like birthday parties.

Recently, at one of the birthday parties we attended, the cake was a giant sculpted "Ariel" from The Little Mermaid. Liam had recently seen the movie and loved it, too. At the party, the girls got tiara's to wear. And the boys got pirate hats. And at the end, there were blue gift bags for the boys, and pink for the girls. The boys' gift bag included a small lego rescue vehild which has immediately become Liam's favorite toy. The people throwing the party are clearly wonderful parents, and their little girl loves mermaid stuff. So why does this immediately set off a mental alarm? Why not just celebrate what your little one loves? Orenstein takes time wondering if she, too, is overacting. Where's the harm? She writes:

On the other hand, maybe I'm still surfing a washed-out second wave of feminism in a third-wave world. Maybe princesses are in fact a sign of progress, an indication that girls can embrace their predilection for pink without compromising strength or ambition; that, at long last, they can ''have it all.'' Or maybe it is even less complex than that: to mangle Freud, maybe a princess is sometimes just a princess. And, as my daughter wants to know, what's wrong with that?

Indeed, what's so awful? The articles raises more questions than it answers, ultimately. And I think that's because there isn't a clear cut answer. We're trying to stick to our philosophy of being gender neutral. But it's difficult.

After reading the article, though, I was curious about the reaction it generated. And the letters from readers hit on some things that we've also worried about:

Actually, little boys have it tougher. When a little girl wants to dress up as Spider-Man, it's no big deal. When a little boy enjoys the thrill of twirling in circles in a pink, sparkly frock, it's frowned upon.

Cara Putzrath

Charlotte N.C.

So true. When Liam first started preschool, and his hair was down to his shoulder, kids would ask him if he was a boy or girl. His favorite thing to bring to school is his baby doll (which he calls Kalian). But we'd walk in sometimes, and some of the kids would ask me why Liam has a doll. "Dolls are for girls," they'd say. "Well, I use to play with dolls," I'd reply (which is true: GI JOE). These days, it's not uncommon for Liam to say: "Boys play sports. Girls can't be firefighters. She can't play with my trucks because she's a girl." We try to be patient in our deprogramming.

Which is not shift the blame to his school, or anyone out here. I agree that this becomes a natural tendency for kids at this age. I guess the question is how -- and how hard -- to fight it?

Movie Night...

2007-02-03T04:48:00.000-08:00

We're just wrapping up another movie night and Liam is off to bed. Tonight, "Madagascar" was in the DVD player. I took the kids out to ye olde Blockbuster to get a couple movies, and to get them out of the house for a bit while Jen did some studying.

Movie Night has become a regular feature of our time here in Cambridge. And we've watched enough so that I'm running out of ones that we'll all enjoy. And picking out kids' movies is tricky. For instance, this last week, I put an oldie called "The Yearling" on our Netflix list to watch with Liam. Yowza. Has anyone else seen this G-rated bloodbath? I vaguely remember it, but like so many things I watched as kid, I had forgotten how violent "kids" movies could be.

The set up for the Yearling sounded innocent enough. A family living on the frontier. Their 11-year-old boy, Jody, is lonely and longs for a pet to care for. He adopts a baby deer and raises it. What could be sweeter, right?

Except, of course, living on the frontier means everyone carries guns. So that was problem number one. Then we learn the reason Jody is so lonely: His parents had about 30 different kids, but they all died. We learn this as the camera pans across the numerous gravestones behind their home. ("Daddy, what are those?" "Well, those are gravestones because people are buried there..." "Why...?" "Well...").

But the real kicker was the way Jody came to adopt his deer. Jody's father discovers their pigs have been stolen by their hillbilly neighbor, Clem. So he grabs his gun and Jody and they set off to get them hogs back. As they're walking, Jody unsheathes the 8-inch knife he's carrying. But as they're tracking through the woods, dad gets bit by a rattlesnake on his hand! So dad takes out his knife and starts hacking off the skin so he can suck the poison out. Jody's freaking out. ("Dad, don't die...!) They get up to run for help, when dad spots a momma deer. He whips out his shotgun and blasts the deer. Then he tells Jody to carve out the deer's heart and kidney.

Jody runs over to the deer, kneels down and digs right in with his big honkin' knife. Next thing, he's running back to his dad, with a heart in one hand and a kidney in the other, both hands dripping with blood. Dad puts the organs on the wound because they apparently suck out the poison. (Who knew? Holistic medicine frontier style.) Then he tells Jody to run for help. Jody runs screaming for the hillbilly neighbor. Except, just as he's about to run, he sees the baby deer, and immediately realizes they just whacked its mom. Later, when dad lives, Jody lays on the guilt trip and convinces his dad to let him raise the baby deer. Soft focus shot of happy boy. Cue the swelling music....And fade out...

I asked Liam if he understood what had just happened. And he said, "That baby dear is sad." And then he said, "Daddy, I want a pet." "What kind of pet?" "A baby giraffe." "Well, we'll have to see when we get back to Oakland..."

Fortunately, Liam didn't wig out. And that's a big shift because Liam went through an extended period of being terrified by just about any movie or DVD except Blue's Clues. ("Ya gotta find another paw print, that's the second clue...!") A couple years back, we tried to go to a movie theater to see "March of the Penguins" and he was so terrified, that it wasn't until recently that he was even open to the idea of viewing anything remotely resembling a movie or DVD.

But starting last fall, he became more open to the idea. We rented "Mary Poppins" and he loved it. And he loved "Willy Wonka." At the time anyway. Now he keeps asking me if I'm chewing gum and says that gum scares him. ("Daddy, I'll help you...I'll take you to the juicing room."). And along the way we've watched the standards: Toy Story, Nemo. We even went to the movie theater over the holidays and saw "Happy Feet." Stressful moments that used to send him scurrying out of the room now don't seem to faze him much. In fact, now he laughs hysterically through movies like "Madagascar." The current favorite, though, is "Curious George," which Liam quotes liberally throughout the day. ("You're going to want to put those cucumbers back..." "You lost me at lost...") Strangers, of course, just look at him like, "Huh?"

Diaper free

2007-02-02T18:15:00.000-08:00

As I noted recently, the diaper free thing has been going great. Kalian often goes to the potty on her own. She insists on doing everything herself. Going in, pulling down her pants, wiping, and then dumping it all in the big potty. Not bad for 20 months old. But my favorite thing is what she now likes to do while she's going to the potty:

My daughter is now a 50-year-old man. Sitting on the potty. Reading the newspaper.

Back to School

2007-01-30T10:47:00.000-08:00

The blog went on hiatus for a couple weeks because I did, too. Jen started her Spring semester yesterday. The two weeks before that, she was on extended break. I got some much needed rest and relaxation. And of course, I only got a fraction of what I wanted to accomplish done. But there you go. Isn't life always like that? I'm packing my schedule with other crap when I should be taking it easy.

The time off was good, overall. It included a trip to Western Mass. to Kripalu, a yoga and meditation retreat. Jen has a big entry on this over at her site, so I won't bore you with more details. But it was a fabulous time, other than it being sub-arctic temperatures. Organic food, some great yoga classes, a little meditation. And a pretty setting. We came back Friday and already, Jen was gearing up for the start of school over the weekend.

Our weekend included a trip to the art museum, this time with the whole family. We were invited by a new friend, Francesca, who we met at Kripalu who does some work there. The museum had a kids' event Saturday morning which included mimes. The event was great, but as our friend, Francesca, noted, it may have been planned for kids by people who don't have children. To wit, the breakfast included two roving mimes. The mimes mainly seemed to be scaring the crap out of the kids. Is there anything freakier to little kids than mimes and clowns?

Liam had a great time. Toward the end, a sketch class full of elementary school age kids came into the gallery where we were sitting. The museum had given us a goodie bag with a little sketch pad and crayons. Liam pulled them out, and then wandered over to sit with the group and try to draw the statue they were studying. And then he kept showing his sketch to the teacher, who welcomed this little interloper. Given all the challenges we've had with Liam's development, it was great to seem him just jump right into the group and try to follow along. Even better to see him take an interest in something arts and craft related, something he's doing more often at home, too.

And so, Jen started school yesterday, which went fine on the home front. Though Kalian has clearly gotten re-attached to momma. We went grocery shopping in the morning. And when we pulled into the drive way, Kalian just kept pointing to the house and saying, "Mommy?" "No mommy," I said. And then the wailing began. It went on most of the afternoon. Though she was more relaxed today.

Time, as they say, is flying by. We've been here seven months now. We go back to Oakland in a little more than four months. I'm spending a big chunk of my free time applying to preschools for Kalian. It's an odd feeling, having one foot back in the Bay Area, at least in a mental sense.

Kalian is starting to spit out all sorts of words. And she's become increasingly independent. Today, after lunch, I was washing the dishes. She walked into the bathroom on her own, pulled down her pants, and went poop. Not bad for only 20 months. I've groused about the diaper free thing, but it has definitely worked it's magic.

As for me, I've been trying to put some time into thinking about my own career. After a year at home with the kids, what do I want to do? Officially, I'm on leave from the Mercury News. But when I go back, what do I want to write about? I have an idea for a blog, but do I want to live the blogger lifestyle (posting like a madman at all hours)? And so many people have the Merc since last summer...Sigh.

Well, stay tuned...

Don't cry for me, Argentina

2007-01-09T07:26:00.000-08:00

I feel I need to stop here, "for a second," as Liam likes to say, and note for the record, that I'm doing fine, and that the past few months of being a stay at home dad have been some of the best of my life.

Based on various reactions I get from people who read this blog, the sense I seem to be giving folks is one that is quite grim. And that's not the case. I'm very happy, and having a great time. However, I also want to be candid about my frustrations. So for those worried about my mental health: Don't.

One of the other spouses in Jen's program asked me a couple weeks ago if I was counting the days until the semester is over and we go home. She said that apparently, many of the other spouses she meets in the program are.

I had to think about that. Which tells me, of course, that I haven't been counting the days. As of now, we've been here six months, and we'll be back in Oakland in five months. But as part of my role out here, I've invested quite a bit of energy in meeting folks, building a community, getting the kids involved, and learning about this area.

So yes, I'll be excited to see folks back home. But at the same time, it's weird to think that in five months, I may never again see many of these folks who have suddenly become so vital to our daily lives. And that makes me a little sad.

The good, the bad, and the ugly...

2007-01-08T20:11:00.000-08:00

The past two days have encapsulated the full range of my experience as a stay at home dad. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Sunday morning started off rough. Liam, of late, has been opposed to leaving the apartment. Ever. Whether it's morning, or afternoon, he wants to just play here. No parks. No museum. No library. So getting him dressed and out the door has become an epic undertaking. And it's hard not to get frustrated.

With Jen back in school for a couple weeks and gone all day, I was determined to get the kids out and doing...something. The weather, improbably, was sunny and headed to the 60s. So there was no way I was going to sit in the apartment for 10 hours. Fortunately, Jen was still around to get the kids dressed. I threw them in the bike trailer and just took off. I figured I'd at least ride a bit and find a park.

Rather randomly, I decided to head over to the Museum of Fine Arts. I hadn't had a chance to visit yet, but I remember it being a great museum. This is one of those moves that was ripe for disaster. Two toddlers in a museum? But instead, it was great. One of those parenting moments that crystallizes why being a parent can be so great.

We had lunch when we first got there ($13 for a salad! Are you kidding?). And then headed upstairs to the galleries. Liam was incredibly interested in everything. He stood quietly and examined several paintings and statues. We started in a room full of late 19th century impressionists. He had fun trying to guess what those fuzzy pictures were supposed to be. And Kalian was gazing, pointing across the room to paintings she wanted to check out.

We wandered around for almost two hours. Liam was our tour guide, pulling out the museum map and telling us where to go next. When they were finally getting tired, I threw them back into the bike trailer and headed home. After getting back, Liam said he wanted to do some painting, which is rare for him. We painted for a about 30 minutes, made a huge mess, and had a great time.

That night, we had movie night after Kalian went to bed. On the DVD player: "The Muppet Movie." If you haven't seen this in awhile, check it out. It was even better than I remember. Very adult and childish. Liam was transfixed, though we had to explain certain things. Like when Mel Brooks, playing an evil German doctor, tries to hook Kermit up to a brainwashing machine. (Me: "Well...he's a bad man and he's trying to get Kermit to do something he doesn't want to do. And that's not nice." Liam: "I'll knock him down.")

The next morning was also great. Liam went to his occupational therapy session. And while he claims not to like them, was clearly having a lot of fun.

After that, I took him to preschool for the day. Then I took Kalian to coop. Today was the Coop's annual party to celebrate all the kids' birthdays. It's truly a great group of folks. One of the moms wore a bear suit and sang songs, which alternately amused and terrified the kids.

But later in the day, things went south. I picked up Liam, and rather than take them home, I took them to Target. Part of a mission to keep them occupied and out of the apartment at any cost. But both kids went bonkers, jumping in and out of the cart, running around the aisles. So I abandoned the cart and got back in the car.

When we got home, the kids were totally wound up and running around like crazy. I was praying that Jen would suddenly decide to come home early. As I was starting dinner, I heard the kids jumping on our bed. And then...a crash, and a scream.

I ran in and found Kalian face down on the table next to our bed. She had a one-inch gash just under her right eye, and her face was covered in blood. (The doctor said facial cuts tend to bleed a lot.) I rushed to dress both kids and get them in the car, freaking out, and rushed over to urgent care. Jen met us there.

Turns out that while the cut was deep, Kalian didn't need stitches. But she does look like she just got off the set of Rocky 6. Of course, by Tuesday morning, she was her old chipper self.

Liam turns 4...

2007-01-06T18:59:00.000-08:00

Liam's official birthday was last Saturday. And as Jen noted, "Can you believe we've been parents for four years?" Uh, nope.

Because Liam's birthday falls on New Year's Eve Eve (dec. 30), we decided to have the actual party today, when more folks were likely to be around and back from the holidays. As I noted in a previous post, we've taken Liam Candlepin bowling a couple times in recent weeks. And so when asked what the wanted to do for his birthday, he said, "Bowling."

So we booked several lanes at Sacco's Bowl Haven in Somerville. We were delighted that so many folks were able to make it, and that they truly seemed to have a great time. Sacco's is a total throwback, an old family owned place where just about everything is made of wood, and you keep score on paper scratch sheets. The old timers hanging around looked like they've been sitting on the stools since 1950.

Liam immediately took charge, reminding his friends that they needed "special shoes" to bowl. He was bouncing from lane to lane explaining to the other kids how to push the reset button. It was great to see him truly having a great time.

My cousin Tom came down from New Hampshire, and besides being great to see him and his little boy, he was a huge help, as experienced bowler. Here are Liam and Kalian with Tommy, Jr.:

It had been a bit crazy for us putting it together at the last minute, as Jen is back in classes. I was up the night before making quesadilla's and putting together our "gift bag," which in this case was a narcissus bulb in a pot with planting rocks. But it was worth it, of course.

Given that Liam's pre-school room was set for kids who were older threes and young fours, the past four months have been a kind of birthday-palooza for us. I'd have a hard time even listing the number, location and details of all of them, just because there have been so many. While we strive not to get into a competitive mode over these things, it's tough not to want to impress. I think just about every party offered a gift bag, and so we did, too. And while none were overly ostentatious, or lavish, it's tough not to let yourself start comparing and mentally tallying what this or that must have cost.

One thing I'm glad we did: Ask folks not to bring presents. Of course, a couple folks did, and that's fine. But a little goes a long way with Liam. Which is great. My aunt got him an electric helicopter, which he won't let out of his site. And someone got him "The Little Engine That Could" which he refers to as "my present" and has insisted on bringing to bed with him.

Oh well. In any case, I think all but one birthday is behind us. And because it's been such a big part of my social scene on weekends -- one parent joked that he'd see me soon on the "birthday circuit" that means I'll have more open weekends this coming semester.

And for those who care, the full set of pics from the party are here at Snapfish.

Stay At Home Dad = MBA

2007-01-04T20:55:00.000-08:00

Little did I know that my year as a Stay At Home Dad is quietly preparing me to run a Fortune 500 Company. Or so says the New York Times. And who am I to quibble? At this point, I need the money.

From the NY Times on New Year's Eve:

Under New Management
Among Your Qualifications, an M.B.A. at Household U.

By KELLEY HOLLAND
Published: December 31, 2006

AS many a Kodak commercial makes clear, child-rearing involves plenty of cuddles, angelic smiles and moments of treacly sweetness. But parents know that raising children also involves those other times — when the bowl of oatmeal overflows in the microwave while you resolve a sibling quarrel, when your knuckles whiten as you grip the dashboard for your teenager’s first highway drive, when you try yet again to encourage a child who is struggling with the intractable mazes of geometry.

It is all very different from business school, or even from an office. But many parents — including famous ones like Nancy Pelosi, the incoming House speaker, and Ann Crittenden, the author of “If You’ve Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything” — know that the experience of raising children and managing a household is not just maddening and delicious: it can also serve to develop skills that are central to successful management.

Apparently Home Depot is looking for a new CEO. And the last one got fired AND got a $210 million severance package. That would be a slight increase from my previous job.

The story continues:

Parents need to master various skills, including quick decision- making in a changing environment (what to serve in two minutes once oatmeal is no longer an option), negotiating (coaxing a young child into snow boots in time for the school bus), and synthesizing information (if a daughter goes to gymnastics, her brother has to be dropped off early for soccer so the grocery shopping can be done).

They also learn to motivate teams (let’s have a playroom cleanup game!) and to multitask (doing laundry while the chicken roasts and soccer practices are coordinated). And they praise real effort at any level, whether it’s a toddler’s painstakingly balanced tower of blocks or a preteen’s carefully drawn poster for a school election. Communication, time management and analytical skills can also be honed at home.

Raising children is “a developmental experience and you gain workplace skills from it,” said Marian N. Ruderman of the Center for Creative Leadership, a research and training organization based in Greensboro, N.C. “If you can negotiate between two kids when you’re driving, you can negotiate at work,” she added. “There’s no question in my mind about that.”

So there you have it, I just need to figure out how to blend that into my resume or my next annual evaluation and demand a hefty raise. Wish me luck.

By the way, the full story is here.

My Life is Never Like This

2006-12-28T20:02:00.000-08:00

I was reading the New York Times last week, and I stumbled across this ad from Canon:

And I just thought, Whoa! They've discovered my secret life. Really, I'm sitting at home everyday, while Liam quietly plays on the floor. Kalian bounces on my lap while I sip some coffee. And all the while I'm free to get some work done on the computer. The Secret is OUT! Isn't this what's it's like for all stay at home parents with two kids?

Thank you, Canon. Thank you.

It's beginning to look...nothing like Christmas!

2006-12-26T20:44:00.000-08:00

One day after Xmas, all is merry, all is bright. This holiday was different for us, than in years past, for many reasons. The most obvious is that we find ourselves three time zones away from home. Oddly enough, we're getting just the kind of weather we'd expect if we were back in Oakland: moist, chilly, unpleasant. But no snow! I'm not sure weather to sing Hallelujah! for the mild winter, or ask for my money back. The area has experienced record temperatures all month, and now the debate has turned to weather there will be any significant snow this winter.

But back to Christmas, the truly big change was our financial picture. With zero income, and substantial debt piling up, we decided to forgo the usual orgy of present giving. We told family members a couple months ago not to send us anything, and that we would not be sending anything. What little money we had, we planned to save for travel.

I was a little bummed, at first, about the prospect. No matter what anyone says, Christmas memories have always centered around that mad tearing open of wrapping paper Christmas morn. But, as the month wore on, I began to feel, well, liberated. As I chatted and emailed with friends out here, they inevitably were talking about how stressed they were, dashing to the store every day, rushing to the post office, stressing about the money. And it occurred to me, "Oh yeah, I don't have to worry about that this year." What a relief it was.

By coincidence, the New York Times ran a column along the same lines on Dec. 16:

BASIC INSTINCTS; Skip the Stress And Donate To Charities
By M. P. DUNLEAVEY
EVERY year during the holidays, you hear the same old shop-worn advice for avoiding financial stress. Set a strict spending limit for each person and stick to it; plan ahead so you do not shop impulsively; coax your family into a modest exchange of gifts; hunt for bargains online, and so forth.

Here's a radical suggestion: how about a gift-free holiday season?

Some people will always revel in the spirit of receiving and spending that descends this time of year. But many others are fed up with dashing through the mall, spending more money than they have on loads of stuff other people may or may not need or want.

Sorry to put it so bluntly, but when I hear that shoppers spent over $18 billion the weekend after Thanksgiving alone -- a small slice of all holiday sales -- and that the average consumer takes three to six months to recover from her holiday spending hangover, I wonder if anyone is connecting the dots.

The article continues:

Patricia Danser, who runs a private animal sanctuary in Deming, N.M., says that she and her husband have done a number of things to ''avoid the massive materialistic frenzy of the holidays'' -- including delivering presents to children in a nearby Mexican town and donating money in honor of friends and family to an organization that protects manatees.

Ms. Danser does not see her efforts as a way to cut costs, but it does make her happier to know that the money she spends will do some good in the world.

GIFT giving has become such an entrenched part of the holidays that many people are reluctant to suggest alternative ways to celebrate, for fear of appearing Scrooge-like. Sheri Schmidt, a lecturer on racial studies at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, says ''it took a bit of bravery and persistence to break the cycle of obligatory gift giving'' in her family. But when she finally suggested a moratorium on holiday gifts to her three brothers, ''they were so relieved,'' she said.

For the last few years, Ms. Schmidt and her family have given presents to six needy children, in lieu of their six more affluent nieces and nephews. It is not that they spend any less money, she says, ''but we have so much fun picking out the toys for those kids, knowing what a difference it will make to their Christmas morning.''

Indeed, it will be hard to go back next year. Instead, it's easier to imagine going further away from it. Yes, the kids will make it tougher. But on the other hand, Liam was just as excited this year that we gave him a floor puzzle and spent three hours building a fire truck from an erector set as he was about anything else under the tree. So, maybe it won't be as hard as I think.

"Yeah, we shoot!"

2006-12-17T20:43:00.000-08:00

I took Liam to preschool the other day as usual. We got there a bit late and many of his friends were already there. He saw a boy he has become particularly friendly with and ran up to him. This was when I first saw a new game they had invented:

"Yeah, we shoot!"

Liam and the other boy ran into the corner and each grabbed two, long cardboard cylinders that slid all the way over their arms. Then they started pointing their arms at each other and yelling, "Yeah, we shoot!" The scene filled me all sorts of feelings that all seemed to be in conflict.

Liam has had a challenging time connecting with the other kids in his class. In part, he's just the new guy. And then there's his speech challenges, which can make it tough at times. So on one level, it was great that he seemed to have this connection with this other boy, that they invented their own game, and they really seemed to have bonded over it.

But did it have to be guns? As I talk to other parents and teachers out here about it, they are probably right in pointing out that this sort of thing is just part of being a four year old boy. In the past few months, Liam has suddenly become interested in things like superheroes (Superman! Spiderman!) even though those things are never in our house. Okay, I watched Superman Returns one night after he went to bed, but still...

Earlier this week, Liam had a play date at this same boys house. Now don't get me wrong. This is a wonderful little boy. And Liam is clearly quite fond of him. The boy's nanny occasionally hosts this "boys play dates" at their house. The boys from Liam's preschool room go and play trucks, firefighters, and construction. Liam couldn't be happier. Still, I went to pick up Liam at the end, and he was standing on a mound of dirt with this other boy. The boy was digging away with a shovel. Liam had a shovel in one hand, and a toy sword in the other. I'm not sure he knew exactly what it was, because I think he thought it was some sort of construction tool. And yet, part of me couldn't help but be a pit, well depressed.

I had no illusion that I would shield him from guns and swords and all that stuff for his entire life. At the same time, it's made me appreciate our little Oakland-Berkeley hippie cocoon that we live in. Both Liam's former preschool, but also our general group of friends and community. I feel confident in saying that I can't picture the kids and families we knew letting their kids play with that stuff. Again, that's not a judgment against the folks here. It's just to say, I guess, that I realize more than ever how fortunate we were with our friends back home.

Candlestick bowling

2006-12-08T20:36:00.000-08:00

We had our first sub-artic chill today. So what better to do than to take the kids bowling? Why, take them candlestick bowling. In a past life, I was an avid and above-average ten pin bowler. But I have fond memories of visiting Boston as a kids and being taken candlestick bowling.

For the unitiated, candlestick bowling uses a ball about the size of a shot put. You get three balls each frame. And the pins are straight, rather than the pear shape of ten pin bowling.

In any case, I found a small, 15-lane bowling alley in somerville and trucked the kids over. Liam loved it. Even Kalian rolled a couple balls (with dads help). Liam came home and wanted to play bowling the rest of the night.

type="application/x-mplayer2"
pluginspage="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/MediaPlayer/"

Liam's therapy...

2006-12-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

Today was a tough day. And long. We had two big meetings related to Liam's therapy.

Liam stayed home from preschool today because he had an appointment with a speech therapist who is a renowned expert in stuttering, of "dysfluency," as it's called clinically. His stuttering has been up and down of late. But he continues to be a trooper about all of it. Still, at times he grimaces, purses his lips, and really works to get a simple sound out. While many therapists say it's typical for kids to go through periods of developmental "dysfluency," the grimacing and such things are usually considered signs of a more serious problem.

We drove about 20 minutes out to Lexington. Liam was his usual, upbeat self, excited that someone wants to play with him. The therapist played with Liam for about 45 minutes while videotaping the session. She didn't offer any conclusions at the meeting, but instead will meet with Jen and I in a couple weeks to go over her evaluation and her therapy recommendations.

In the meantime, we had Liam's "IEP" meeting with the Cambridge schools officials. The Indvidualized Educational Program is a bureaucratic way of saying "therapy program." As many of you know, about two years ago, Liam was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder and oral apraxia. In a nutshell, while Liam is smart, he has trouble processing and regulating his sensory intake and output. The result is that he had a hard time learning to speak, he remains somewhat challenged when it comes to things like running and climbing, and finds it a struggle to fit in socially because it's hard to keep up with his peers.

We'd been pretty optimistic for the past year or so with his progress. But he seems to have regressed a bit since he's been out here. His preschool is a tough environment for him because his classroom is big and loud and most of the kids are a bit older than his previous preschool in Berkeley. He reacts by withdrawing. His teachers have been great, but still...

And so he's been getting speech and occupational therapy through the Cambridge public schools. Except about 6 weeks ago his speech therapist had to take a leave of absence and they've not found a replacement yet. But they proceeded with their annual evaluation, the IEP, anyway. And no matter how positive they try to be, or how optimistic, it's a difficult thing to sit through. In essence, they run through long lists of things that Liam has a hard time doing, in often great detail.

In many cases, parents go to these meetings and find themselves fighting to get services. In our case, they concluded that Liam's challenges were so great, they increased their recommendation for the amount of therapy he is eligible for. And along with speech and occupational therapists, they assigned a third person to work with him, essentially a socialization expert to help him learn how to interact with kids.

All these folks were very well meaning, and we think they will be a tremendous help to Liam over the next six months that we are here. Still, it's hard not be discouraged when confronted with such an extensive breakdown of his issues. And it's at times like this that I miss our community of friends in the Bay Area more than ever.

Oh Mickey, you're so fine...

2006-12-05T20:18:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful visitor from the West Coast this past weekend. And it gave me a glimpse of how life here could be so different.

Mickey Ellinger arrived on our doorstep last Friday, fresh from a red eye from Oakland. Among the many wonderful things that happened to us after Liam was born four years ago, Mickey became an important force in our lives. For those who don't know of this magical being, Mickey has held a Friday night sleep over for the kids of various friends for many years now. During the past couple years, Liam has spent the night at Mickey's for the majority of Friday nights, bonding tightly with the handful of other kids who stay over. There are many things we miss about the Bay Area, and this ranks right up there.

So Mickey tumbled in Friday morning and Liam was ecstatic and could barely contain himself. Here he is just a few minutes after Mickey arrived:

type="application/x-mplayer2"
pluginspage="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/MediaPlayer/"

Jen took Mickey that afternoon to see Stephen Colbert speak at Harvard. The next day, I had to do some work at Kalian's Coop. Jen and Mickey took the kids for a hike and then we met at a playspace for a birthday for one of Liam's classmates. We came back that afternoon and were all playing and I literally started to fall asleep while playing with Liam. Mickey tapped me on the shoulder and said the words that I have fantasized about everyday for the past five months: "Why don't you go take a nap and I'll play with the kids?"

So I did. I woke up when Jen came home. Thanks to Mickey, once again, we were having a big date night. The Kennedy School had its formal and Mickey was watching the kids for us. We had a big tapas dinner and then dressed in our finest went and partied at the Harvard Faculty Club. It felt very elitist and patrician and high school prom-ish all that once.

The next day, Mickey and I took the kids on the T into Boston. And boy, what a difference an extra adult makes. As I wrote before, I'm proud that I've taken the kids on so many outings. But I've avoided things like the train because it becomes so stressful handling the two kids, a stroller, etc. But it was a breeze with Mickey. We went to Faneuil Hall and Quincy Marketplace, walked over to the docks, and then wandered back to Quincy Market for lunch. I had done a similar outing on my own over the summer and it left me so traumatized that I've avoided the trains with both kids ever since. But this time, we had a ball, it was quite enjoyable.

Mickey took off that night, and we missed her immediately.

Snow!

2006-12-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

We had a little of the white stuff this morning, as predicted. For me, it was one of those wonderful parent moments. While we were all getting dressed, Liam looked out the window, got a big smile on his face, and said, "Hey, it's snowing."

Both he and Kalian couldn't wait to get outside. And in the car this morning, he couldn't stop talking about it and asking questions. It was one of those pure moments of wonder that makes you see the world through your child's eyes.

Let it snow...

2006-12-03T21:25:00.000-08:00

The moment I told Bay Area folks back in May that we were headed to Cambridge, the first reaction I usually got was something snarky about how cold it would be. I'll admit to being a bit, well, concerned about how I'd hold up and whether I'd be wimpering like a little puppy at the first freeze.

Well, the first snow is reportedly about to commence over night. But I can't complain. The weather thus far has been glorious. How wonderful? Consider this story from Friday's Boston Globe:

"Not long before Boston officials lit the city's Christmas tree in an annual seasonal rite, the area broke a 125-year-old record for the high temperature for the date yesterday when the mercury hit 69 degrees at 1:43 p.m."

Yowza! I've been out riding the bike, carting the kids around in the bike trailer, and basking in some sublime, "crisp", New England days. All that ends tonight, I fear. But it's lasted far long than I would have expected. So I'll refrain from whining about the cold. For awhile.

Kids Coop Cambridge

2006-11-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

A big part of my life in Cambridge since September has the Kids Cambridge Coop. We heard about it while we were still in Oakland, and got a spot off the waiting list in August. It's been an incredible experience that, of course, also has had its share of frustrating moments.

The Coop is a true coop. It is run by the 15 families who are members. There is no full time staff, or director. Everyone gets to send their kid three mornings each week, from 9 a.m. to noon. As a member, you work one of those mornings as a caregiver, taking turns either bringing a snack, planning a craft, or cleaning the space. Each day, there are 10 to 12 kids there, with ages ranging from 15 months to 3.5 years. It's given me immense respect and insight into the lives of people who do this kind of work for a living.

In addition to working once a week, every member has a job. My job is to be a member of the coop's board and its secretary, which means I take the minutes for each monthly meeting. Fitting, I guess, given my background, though the jobs are more or less randomly assigned. Since every decision either needs to be made by consensus, majority, or two-thirds vote, depending on the topic, the meetings can often be a tribute to the excesses of democracy. After three hours debating whether CPR training should be mandatory or voluntary, I was longing for a dictator to make swift decisions for me.

The coop is located in the basement of the St. James Church, a big sprawling space that dominates Porter Square, about 5 minutes drive from out apartment. Now at this point, I'm going to show you a little video I shot of the space, I'm still trying to learn how to do this, so bear with me if it doesn't work. Feel free to shout at me, or give me a feedback. I've tried YouTube, but the quality is crummy. So I'm trying it on my own.

In any case, here's a little tour of the space:

type="application/x-mplayer2"
pluginspage="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/MediaPlayer/"

So there it is. We spend the first two hours in there, doing free play, then a snack, circle time, craft. And then march outside to a playground behind the church for the last hour. I'm usually totally exhausted by the end of the day. And on a purely economic basis, Coop probably doesn't make a lot of sense. If all goes according to plan, I get about 5.5 hours of free time each week. When I add up the time I spend attending meetings, writing up minutes, working at coop, well, I'm sure I could hire someone to watch Kalian a couple mornings each week.

On the other hand, at least this way, we're not spending any money on daycare. And on the plus side of the ledger, the Coop folks are a wonderful community. Without stereotyping, they are probably a lot closer in spirit and outlook (and economic status) to our friends back in the Bay Area. Not Berkeley crunchy, but certainly at a different spot along the spectrum from the folks who we've met through Liam's elite preschool. (Though those folks are wonderful, too.)

Beyond that, it's been a great thing for Kalian. She is at that age where she is just starting to play with other kids. Most of her life has been being dragged around to hang with kids that her brother plays with. But Coop is her thing, and her friends. And it's unbelievably cute to see some of the younger kids, who are just learning to talk, shouting her name across the room or playground: Kay-nan! Kay-nan!

Here's a clip (probably too long) of Kalian playing with her friend, Freya:

type="application/x-mplayer2"
pluginspage="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/MediaPlayer/"

As for me, I've learned quite a bit about the kids, and myself. Getting 12 kids to sit still for 10 minutes of circle time ("Heads, shoulders, knees and toes...knees and toes, etc.") can be a Herculean task. And when you succeed, it feels like an epic achievement, even if it is just a small triumph in the scheme of life.

This may be the only time in my life when I have opportunity to do something like this with the kids (unless that Lotto ticket pays off). So for now, I'm going to cherish it.

Overload

2006-11-27T20:04:00.000-08:00

I'm worried that I may be falling into the trap that I had hoped to avoid when we came out here this summer. Namely, letting myself be seduced into non-kid work projects. When I would tell folks that I was taking a year off from being a reporter, their immediate reaction would be, "Oh, are going to do some freelancing?" This made me bristle, because the implication seemed to be that staying at home with two kids wouldn't be enough to occupy me, or be a worthy enough endeavor.

Given the way things went this summer, I'm glad that I avoided career-related work. As some of you know, I was a finalist for a journalism fellowship. And while I was disappointed not to get it, I can't imagine life out here if Jen and I had both been in school full-time together. The transition was tough enough the kids, especially with Liam missing his friends, and us missing out community. But if the kids had been stuck in a new place AND been in full-time school/daycare this fall, I think it would have been a truly miserable experience for them, and for us.

In general, I've been trying to focus my energy on being present, and calm with the kiddies. And really trying to celebrate this incredible time I've been given with them. It is a time and opportunity I may never have again, as frustrating as it can be sometimes. And it's made me realize that as involved as I tried to be back in Oakland, working outside the house full-time meant that I missed so many great moments in their lives. This is my chance to do things like working in day care coop with Kalian, learning how to keep the house running, getting dinner on the table, keeping the floors picked up.

But the mind is never still. In my quiet moments, I've found myself contemplating the various directions my career could take when I resume it, whenever I resume it. For now, I've been writing a column once a week for the San Jose Mercury News about Silicon Valley insiders selling stock. I've started keeping track of the columns here.

Beyond that, there's an idea for a business-related blog that I've been mulling over. And the Nieman conference inspired me to focus on writing. There are the ever-present book idea floating around. And now, I've improbably volunteered to write a grant for The Chronicle, the college newspaper where I had worked at Duke University. The latter is manageable, I hope, and something that has been stuck in my mind ever since I attended a Chronicle alumni event in Durham, N.C. in mid-October. An idea struck me, that I haven't been able to shake, and so I've jumped right in. With the Chronicle possibly building a new home, the question is: What should a newsroom built for the next 50 years of journalism look like? It's a great opportunity for Duke and The Chronicle, and hopefully the funding will work out.

The problem is that these become the things that are foremost in my mind, rather than the kids. That if I'm obsessed about writing a blog posting, or grant, or book proposal, and I become attached to things like needing Kalian to nap at a certain time, or Liam to do something in a particular way so I can get "work" done, then I'm just creating more tension and stress for them.

And I don't really need to be reminded how much they need my attention right now. I spent an hour today answering questions from yet another caseworker who wanted to take a history of Liam's developmental issues. All stuff we've answered a hundred times, but everyone insists on doing their own history. She was part of the new team at Cambridge schools who are reassessing Liam's therapy needs. We have a formal meeting with that group next week, on the same day Liam is seeing a stuttering expert for an evaluation. He's also got a vision screening, hearing check, and a neurology exam all coming up in December. With all that coming down the pike at him, he certainly doesn't need me adding my stress over "work" stuff to his life.

The 2-for-1 Special

2006-11-25T11:21:00.000-08:00

If there's something that I feel really good about, it's the amount of stuff that Liam, Kalian and I have gotten out and done and seen since we got to Cambridge. Over the summer, that impulse was driven by necessity. The apartment was just too small to hold us all day. On the other had, there is a huge amount of stress in venturing out when it's me and the two of them.

Liam wants to run in every direction at once. And his sensory issues can make it hard for him to hear me, or respond, especially if it's a loud place like a museum. Then there's Kalian, who because she is diaper free, I have to ask if she has to go pee-pee every five minutes, or drag her to a bathroom. And that can be a challenge with Liam, who can take a long time to persuade to do anything. Throw in the fact that we're in a strange place, don't know our way around, and the parking/driving is crazy, and there are a number of reasons never to leave the house.

Still, we got in a good groove, and got out just about everyday. Post Labor Day, there's less pressure to do that. Liam is in preschool five mornings; Kalian is at her day care coop three mornings. So that leaves just the weekends as a total blank slate for me to fill. And so I've been taking them on a fewer outings on our own this fall, in part to cut myself some slack.

But Friday I was feeling restless. It was a beautiful day, unlike Thanksgiving. Temperatures in the low 50s. Sunny. No wind. So I threw Liam and Kalian in the bike trailer and rode over to the MIT Tech Museum. It's a small museum, and there was almost no one there. But there was plenty to interest both kiddies, and it was one of those days that was almost perfect. Almost.

We spent most of the morning in a robot exhibit, which had several robots on display and video clips explaining their history. Who knows how much Liam really understood, but he was totally transfixed. He was asking lots of questions. And laughing hysterically at some of the robot videos. I'll have to post some audio of this, because he's developed quite a belly laugh. And then he sort of took over the room, introducing himself to everyone, and explaining robots to them. It's really great that despite all his struggles to communicate, he is still generally such a happy and social guy.

We moved into the next room which was filled with "kinetic sculptures." I forget the artist's name, but he makes a series of small machines which are fairly complex yet elegant, and perform one task over and over. For example, there was one called oil machine which was simply two cogs and a bike chain that turned a small scoop around. The structure was in a pool of oil. When the scoop got to the bottom, it would fill with oil, and when it got to the top, it would dump the oil over itself, keeping the whole machine lubricated. I think Liam watched this for about 20 minutes.

After lunch, we walked over to another MIT building where they were holding their annual "Friday After Thanksgiving" event. Talk about major nerd fest. Basically, it's a semi-competitive event where a bunch of people build "chain reaction" devices out of everything from Legos to wood to any household items they can grab. Each of these is a kind of variation on the game "Mousetrap." The marble rolls down a trench and knocks over a block, which starts another marble rolling, which trips a wire, etc. Except there might be 30 different events in each chain reaction.

Anyways, it was highly entertaining. Even better, though, they had a bunch of chain reaction type stuff on the side for kids to play with. Liam spent an hour lining up dozens of dominoes and then knocking them over.

It was too much fun, and we stayed way too long. I had to drag Liam kicking and screaming out of the place. As I tried to get him and Kalian into the bike trailer, everything fell apart. Kalian peed in her pants. And Liam jumped on a nearby John Deere ATV and wouldn't respond even after I called his name a dozen times. I began tapping him on his bike helmet to get his attention, Liam lost his balance and smacked his face on the dashboard and got a bloody nose. I felt horrible and Liam, in a very meek voice, just looked at me later and said, "Daddy, don't make me cry" as a tear fell down his cheek. Ow. It seems like no matter how perfect the day is, it's hard to get all the way through without one breakdown. I wonder if any parent ever gets to that point?

In any case, they were asleep when I got home and I let them nap for a bit. It gets dark so early here that rousing them from late naps can take an hour. After Kalian went to bed, the rest of us had movie night, and watched Toy Story. A nice ending to an almost perfect day.

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T19:52:00.000-08:00

Today was an all too rare family day for us. Jen set aside her work and, of course, had no classes. Although she was feeling under the weather, she had suggested that we drive down to Plymouth to attend the "National Day Of Mourning." For those not familiar, it's a remembrance held every Thanksgiving by Native Americans to recognize what was done to them, and their continued struggles to preserve their culture.

It seemed appropriate and interesting, and so we loaded the kiddies in the car to head down to Plymouth, about a 40 minute drive on a good day. Except it wasn't a good day. It was miserable day. Rain poured down in sheets. I had to keep the car under 40 MPH. And along the way, I suffered one of those inexplicable brain glitches that switches off my common sense processor. Had it been functioning correctly, my brain would have told me: "Stop. This is a mistake. It's freezing rain outside. Turn around. Go home. Watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV."

Instead, we pressed on, carrying a week's worth of clothes that still proved totally inappropriate. If nothing else, I got a stiff lesson that I need to do more to prepare for the coming winter. I can't complain about the weather, because it's been mild. But this weekend, I'm going to target or REI or someplace and buying every piece of water-proof, winterized piece of clothing they have.

When we arrived in Plymouth, the rain was coming down horizontal. Kalian gave us a look of horror. Liam, clinging to his plastic firefighter helmet for dear life, kept whimpering, "I want to go home." Naturally, we arrived 90 minutes before the ceremony started. We found the only coffee shop open in town and huddled there for some warm drinks, and a sanity check. The placed closed at noon, so we grabbed the kiddies, bundled up, and dashed three blocks over for the ceremony overlooking Plymouth Rock. We stayed about 2 minutes, ran back to the car, and drove three blocks to the First Calvary Church where the procession would march for some speeches.

I must admit, though I'm not the political one in the family, the speeches were powerful. And there was no small irony to the location. Several speakers noted that the Church was the one built by the Pilgrims. And indeed, the giant stained glass window behind the Native American speakers was a portrait of several Pilgrims. We sat, drenched, for about 90 minutes, listening to several rousing speeches. Then we packed the kids back in the car and drove 45 miles and a universe away, to a friend's house in Newton.

Actually, it was the house where he grew up. And for those who haven't been to Newton, its one of the more upscale neighborhoods in the Boston area. His parents' house was a spectacular maze of rooms that required a map. They served us a wonderful meal and we had time to catch up with friends, and meet make some new acquaintances. In all, a lovely end to difficult day.

Now comes the long weekend. Three days, and no Jen. She'll be working. No playdates scheduled. Crummy weather. In my role as childhood cruise director, I now must scramble to fill my children's day, less they kill each other.

Girl's (and boy) Night Out

2006-11-22T17:27:00.000-08:00

Since assuming the mantle of stay at home dad back in July, I've had ample time to contemplate the intertwined issues of gender and parenthood. Being the rare stay at home dad has meant countless situations where I'm the sole male in the room. Back in the summer, when I was desperately trying to find playmates for Liam and Kalian, I'd be sizing up all the nannies and moms on the playground for potential compatibility, but not in the usual way. The only attributes I cared about was age of kid, schedule, nap time, etc. Not the usual measurements.

Jen and I used to half-kid about me cruising the playgrounds "picking up" nannies and moms, with the goal of scoring a playdate. There is a movie out at the moment called "Little Children," that apparently revolves around the politics of moms on the playgrounds and stars Kate Winslet. Though it's supposed to be excellent, I also suspect that it hits a little too close to home (takes place in a nearby suburb, in fact), and so it may take awhile for me to get around to seeing it.

Here's a sample of the Boston Globe review:

Much of Todd Field's choice new comic drama ``Little Children " concerns an affair between two young married people languishing in a mostly white Massachusetts suburb. Sarah (Kate Winslet) is a harried stay-at-home mom. Brad (Patrick Wilson) is her extremely handsome paternal counterpart. (She's a failed academic. He can't pass the bar exam.) They meet on a playground, after a trio of Brad-brained mothers dares Sarah to get his phone number.
The timing is good since he's feeling increasingly worthless at home. His knockout wife (Jennifer Connelly) makes successful documentaries and favors their son over Brad.
What ``Little Children" understands so well, and so poignantly, is a kind of parental existentialism that hits 30- somethings with kids: How does having children make you such a less interesting adult?

Yikes. Wife makes documentaries? Less interesting adult? Uh, that's not likely to be on the list for date night anytime soon.

Of course, the whole past six months have found me often being the lone male in a sea of moms. Jen's grad program had a summer program of events for spouses, since their partners were likely to be grinding away16 hours a day, seven days a week. They would rent a Greyhound-type bus twice a week and takes us on various outings to places like the aquarium, the kids' museums, Boston Common, etc. Inevitably, it was a busload of moms --- and me, trying to wrangle a rowdy 3.5 year old and a 14-month-old, diaper-free terrorista. And there I was, complaining about all the cooking and cleaning I was doing, how my spouse didn't shoulder enough of the load with the kids. I felt so June Cleaver.

Even when I go to Music Together classes with Kalian and they sing the insidious "Hello, Everybody" song, they sing, "Hello to the mommies, so glad to see you..." and then "Hello, to the daddy..." (always singular), and the whole room turns, and looks right at me, and waves that goofy wave. And I grimace, weakly.

I bring this up now because I just started a new book club started by spouses of people in Jen's programs. And of course, when I say spouses, I mean wives. As one of the prospective remembers remarked to me, "It'll be interesting that one of spouses in the book club will be a man." Hmm. Are we really such a rare and curious species? (Yes, according to Census data. But more on that another time).

In any case, we read "Disgrace" by J.M. Coetzee, a slim novel that tries to be a metaphor for the anxieties facing whites in post-Apartheid South Africa. Though I've no doubt that white South Africans have had a difficult time adjusting, it's still hard to drum up much sympathy for their existential crisis. Even more troubling, in my mind, is that the second-half turns on a white lesbian living in the countryside who gets gang-raped by a roving gang of black marauders. Even if such things happen in that land, I couldn't help but see it as a vaguely racist fixation, especially considering the author is a recent Nobel Prize winner.

But such things are great fodder for a lively Book Club. So I trotted over for a rare night out. I should mention, actually, that it's a combo Book/Movie Club. The movie this time was "The Departed." Jen let me off the leash early and I went and saw it at a matinee, and then went straight to Book/Movie Club. Of the movie, I'll just say that it's gruesome, suspenseful, and astonishing. I highly recommend it.

So I arrived at the home of our host, Hilary, a British transplant, who was in the middle of whipping up a duck in the oven, chard, and potatoes for dinner. I immediately felt guilty for having been so slack in preparing a string of lame dinners lately, and vowed to get back to making such elaborate home cooked meals each night (which I did, for quite awhile.) There were Three other women in attendance, two who were journalists, and one a mystery novelist. And all at least several years older than me.

We had wonderful evening, and as I predicted, a lively discussion. We all disliked the book for different reasons. But since this was the first book I had read since coming to Cambridge, I would have talked about it for hours. All the folks were wonderful, even if I couldn't shake my continued self-consciousness about being guy.

It was a fun night, but since I got home late, no blog entry last night. Instead, I stayed up until 1:30 a.m. doing my weekly freelance piece for the Mercury News. When I get my act together, I'll post a links, but for now, here's the latest one:

Seagate insiders reap millions

Wanted: Exorcist

2006-11-20T19:53:00.000-08:00

Kalian is really starting to piss me off.

Okay, I know that sounds harsh. And I'm tempted to hit the delete key. But hear me out. Her looks can be deceiving. Parents who don't know her very well, especially random strangers, are constantly coming up to me and saying how cute, how mellow, how delightful she is. She is surely all sweetness and light. They only see this:

But they don't know what I know. And that is, at some point in the past several weeks, Kalian has become possessed by Satan. What these parents don't see are the kind of things that one can only see when you spend about 12 hours a day with another human being, especially one who is 18 months old. For instance, Kalian's favorite game? She likes to climb onto the kitchen table, open the pepper shaker, and shake pepper all over the fruit bowl. The other day, she crawled onto the computer table and I found her stabbing the flat screen computer monitor with a pen, leaving ink marks that now make it difficult to read as I type this. And then there was the afternoon when, rather than falling asleep in her crib, she managed to reach over to a bookshelf, grab a box of art supplies, locate the jar of glitter, and dump it all over herself and the crib.

And these parents don't see the pure spite gene that has grown dominant. Like when I spend 15 minutes attempting to get her to sit on the potty because I know she has to poop or pee. She resists, screaming, until I let her go, and them marches straight into the hall where she pivots, looks straight at me, and pees on the floor.

Out, Satan!

The demonic forces took control early this morning. After mercifully sleeping until almost 6 a.m., Kalian wandered out, Jen commanded that I follow, and I made my feeble attempts to get her on the potty. No luck. Then the screaming started. That was followed by my desperate attempts to figure out what she wanted, and what could mollify her. The screaming woke up Liam, who first began whining for some water, and then launched an all out assault on Kalian, who began to scream even louder, which made Liam scream, which made me scream at them...And then, as I was attempting to insert my head into the blender and was reaching for the puree button, the screaming stopped. And the two little cherubs were playing happily, for the moment. And I pulled back from the abyss.

What followed was our usual hectic Monday morning. We drove across town to take Liam to his occupational therapy appointment (I'll blog more about his later). And when that's done, we dash up the street to drop Kalian off at her day care coop (also, more later). And then it's back across town to take Liam to pre-school, Cambridge-Ellis (which certainly deserves its own blog entry). Suffice to say, it's an elite institution that costs more than the tuition I paid for my freshman year at Duke University. Liam has struggled to fit in socially, in part because he's with a slightly older group of kids who have been together, in some cases, for three years.

We walked in this morning, about 45 minutes late. I observed a stark gender divide, something that's not uncommon, and I can't decide whether it's something to do with this classroom, or if this is just what happens when they turn four. Anyway, all the girls had gravitated to the craft table. All the boys had circled around another table where they were playing with fire trucks, one of Liam's absolute favorite past times. (He was a firefighter for Halloween.) So Liam grabbed a fire truck and joined them at the table. Most of the boys picked up their trucks and walked away...And my heart broke just a little for Liam.

Don't get me wrong, many of these boys are wonderful kids, and we've had some great playdates with them (the culture of playdates is worth a whole epic blog on its own). But still, it was all very Lord of the Flies. I guided Liam over to rejoin them, and the teacher followed to explain about letting everyone participate. She said all the right things, but still, I wanted to somehow make it all right and wasn't sure how.

Then came my 2.5 hours of free time. Unfortunately, a big chunk of my free time has been spent dealing with another Liam issue. In recent weeks, he has developed a profound stutter. As many of you know, he's been getting speech therapy for two years and has made great strides, and has been incredibly positive about it. The stutter is fairly new. Out of nowhere, he could no longer produce sounds at time. His lips would purse, his face would grimace, his face would flush, and he would contort his body, attempting with every ounce of energy to produce a sound, sometimes with no luck.

This all began to happen just as the speech therapist assigned by Cambridge schools had to go on a personal leave. So the timing couldn't have been worse. With no replacement in sight, I've been trying to research our options, calling private therapists, scheduling doctor's appointments, vision screening, bloodwork, hearing tests. Today, I finally connected with a woman who is a renowned stuttering expert (or dysfluency, as it's formally called) and set up an evaluation for him next month. In the meantime, we're trying to reduce his stress, and just be calm and patient. While many therapists have noted that it's not unusual for kids to develop so-called developmental stutters, this appears to be quite a bit more serious, and therefore, potentially ominous for him. So we are hoping that's not the case.

Lest I leave you on a dreary note, I picked up Kalian at noon and we brought home one of her friends from Coop, Jacqueline, to watch as a favor to her parents. This was Kalian's first playdate, as such, and after the two stopped fighting over the baby dolls, and the babydoll stroller, they settled in and had quite a bit of fun. Jacqueline (about 26 months old) made herself right at home by peeling off her clothes and asking for a bath. Since this is Kalian's other favorite activity (she sometimes like three baths a day), I obliged. And as we sat in the bathroom and I watched them splash around joyfully, I thought, that I too could see that cute, sweet little urchin that is my daughter. Or so I'm told.